


Second Chances

by waywardbaby



Series: Second Chances [1]
Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: AU Fic, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, F/M, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Song: Piano Man (Billy Joel), loss of a loved one, sweet smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardbaby/pseuds/waywardbaby
Summary: He is a man starting new, seeking a second chance after everything he ever loved was lost.She is a woman running away from her past, trying to forget and make a new beginning.Their paths cross at “Second Chances”, a bar that may very well mean its name and help both of them find exactly what they’re looking for.
Relationships: Dean Winchester x friends, Dean Winchester x past girlfriend, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Second Chances [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145003
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Second Chances, Ch. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings and bear in mind that although each chapter is tagged separately, those warnings could apply to all chapters.
> 
> Angst, making serious decisions, reminiscing, pain but also new hope.

* * *

It’s funny how we believe that we can control our fate.

That we are the rulers of our lives and choose our own paths in the limited time we occupy this earth.

Truth of the matter is that we are all given the _illusion_ that we can do all those things. We are fed the fairy tale of free will so we don’t feel powerless, weak. Because deep down we are all nothing but feathers floating in the wind like that weightless, fluffy feather from “Forrest Gump”.

We are paper boats, released by innocent children’s hands to sail down the sides of pavements, pushed by the streams created after the rain till we disappear down a drain.

I don’t know who controls everything, if I even _assume_ someone does but I have long ago stopped searching for an answer.

My life has been a collection of experiences and memories pretty much like the next guy’s. But it’s also been a compilation of wrongly cut puzzle pieces that I have been trying to fit together by bending them or pushing them a little harder in hope of somehow making them stay together. And in those pointless attempts, I have made my share of bad choices and I have paid for them in more ways than one and more times than I care to remember.

All those choices and decisions I’ve made, have led me to where I am now. In this small, dark corner of a big, shiny city. One of the reasons I chose this place was that Sam lived here and in my mind that gave me a sense of direction. He was the closest thing I had to a brother, one of the few people that knew everything about my past life and only one I trusted enough to explain why I had come to lose hope in everything and everyone.

Me and Sam had grown up together in a small town in Kansas called Lawrence. Our houses were next to each other, separated by the white picket fences you usually see in movies. He had been the one who had helped me realize the talent I had in music and especially in playing the piano. So, when he had started learning to play the guitar, I had taken up learning the piano. In the beginning it was a little bit out of jealousy but I ended up loving it. We also went to the same school, spent our evenings causing havoc in the small bicycle lane that was at the end of our lawn and when we were older we used to hang out at the town’s square, checking out the girls, blasting tunes from his beat box and pretending that we were kings of the world.

Of course back then, our world was as big as Lawrence’s borders but it still seemed too big for us.

Sam had seen me in my happiest moments and in my darkest ones.

He had been there to cheerfully encourage me to talk to her, and then listen to my ramblings about how the sun was warmer and the leaves on the trees were greener now that I had met her.

He had also been there to silently fill my glass with whiskey when I lost her and look away as the tears were strolling down my cheeks, creating big wet blots on the counter of whichever bar I could stumble in.

When he told me that he had decided to leave Lawrence and go work in the big city I was both happy for him but also sad for me. I knew how much he wanted out and the fact that he had found a job that was perfect for him had me also itching to leave and see exactly what lay after the borders of our little kingdom.

Sam was a very talented musician, one who could take a guitar in his hands and create such beautiful melodies that carried you away and made you forget all the shit that troubled you. And in those ugly nights that all I could feel was pain, he had tried his best to put that talent in good use and make me feel a little better.

I never told him that it hadn’t worked.

The last thing he had said to me was that if I ever found my way to the city, he would be more than happy to put me up and finally fulfill our childhood dream of becoming roommates.

At the time, the fact that she was here was the only thing that had kept me from boarding the train with him.

I was perfectly content just by looking into the deep amber of her eyes.

Run my fingers through the locks of her hair.

Smell her scent, kiss her lips, hold her in my arms and hear her sighs when I whisper in her ear how much I loved her.

But then… when she was gone?

When my eyes couldn’t find hers, when my fingers reached out and touched nothing, when my lips had no one to kiss and my arms no one to hold…?

 _That_ was the minute I realized that I had to get out of this place and really discover what lay outside the town that, at one time, I thought was everything I could ever ask for.

So, with his words in mind I arrived in this city, attempting once more to start new, to take advantage of the ‘fresh start’ that regardless of the fact that it had failed before, I still had some shreds of faith left in it.

When I showed up at his doorstep, without any warning whatsoever, he had flashed me a warm, genuine smile and invited me in without asking anything. His busted-up couch in the little apartment above a deli shop had become my place of residence.

The first few days had been a little difficult for me. I was so not used to the sounds and rhythms of the big city that everything seemed so much louder, and so annoying.

The smell from the restaurant was so heavy and constantly there, invading my nostrils and making me wish I had a condition that wouldn’t allow me to register odor.

Then, there was the coupe that lived next door.

It seemed that the only thing they could do was fight. The walls that separated our apartment from theirs were so thin that at some point I wanted to punch a hole through them and poke my head inside just to tell them to shut up.

They fought and then they fucked.

It was an endless loop of shouting and moaning.

I sure as hell wasn’t in Lawrence, Kansas anymore.

After about two weeks and right about the same time I was ready to pack up and leave again because despite everything else I couldn’t find any kind of decent work, Sam had walked into the apartment with a huge smile on his face.

“Dean, get up man. I found you a job!” He said, stretching his arms out on either side of his body in a triumphant gesture. “The dude who was playing the piano in the joint I’m working was fired tonight because Bobby caught him stealing booze. I remember you being one hell of a piano player so if you’re up to the task, come by the club tomorrow evening. Here’s the address.” He added and handed me a small black card with the name of the club printed in bold purple letters. “Second Chances”.

I snorted so hard when I read the name that my nose hurt.

_Yeah, right._

“I’ll even put in a good word for you to Bobby if you’re interested.” Sam went on, paying no attention to my reaction.

“Hells, yeah man. I’ll be there. Thanks for this.” I replied, shreds of hope fluttering in my chest. I placed the card on the small coffee table in front of the couch and lied down, staring at the ceiling thinking of what the future had in store for me.

That night was the first night that the smell from the deli on the ground floor or the quarrels from the next door couple hadn’t bothered me at all.

The next afternoon I set off earlier than I should have. I didn’t know my way around the city yet and I didn’t want to get lost looking for “Second Chances” and end up being late. It wouldn’t have set the best impression. Plus, I kinda liked walking around, accustoming myself to the rhythm and buzz of a city that was so different to the one I had grown up in.

The day was slowly coming to an end, the setting sun making way for the moon, the once blue sky giving its place to the sweet oranges and light purples that signalled the arrival of dusk although seeing that was quite impossible as the tall skyscrapers were obstructing the view of the horizon.

I turned my gaze upwards and looked at the sky. I could still see the clouds moving, chased by the cold wind but they were grey instead of white, them also surrendering their vibrancy and light to the night that was slowly approaching.

It was so familiar, like I’d seen these exact same clouds before, but I was in a different place and it seemed like a lifetime ago.

_‘Doesn’t that look like a bird, Dean?’_

_I follow her finger pointing towards a fluffy cloud but I can’t for the life of me see what she sees._

_‘Mmmhhmm.’ I agree nonetheless and turn to look at her. She’s so beautiful, the wind blowing through the curls of her chestnut hair. Her profile is perfect, with her flushed cheeks and pointed nose. Her full, pink lips are parted as she’s admiring whatever that cloud reminds her of. I lick my own lips like I’m a thirsty man in a desperate need of a drink._

_And God, I am._

_I am thirsty for this girl and I don’t think I’ll ever get my fill of her._

_‘Babe, you’re not looking at the clouds.’_

_‘I’m looking at something far more beautiful,’ I reply and pull her into my arms, crashing my lips on hers. That small moan that escapes them as she surrenders to my kiss is what keeps me alive._

“Move asshole!”

A sharp bump in my shoulder jolted me back to motion and I started walking again. How long was I standing there?

The club must be somewhere around here although ‘google maps’ hasn’t been very useful so far and stopping passers by to ask for directions isn’t really my thing. So, I was doing the best I could with the route Sam had explained to me this morning before he had left to run some errands.

Making a left turn in a street that looked like every other street, I found myself in a part of town with smaller shops and less fancy ones. The wind had become colder as the night had settled for good and I turned my collar up, shoving my hands in my pockets.

The more I kept walking, the narrower and darker the street got. It was like the contemporary, loud capital city had given its place to a more old fashioned one. One that looked like it was taken out of a vintage postcard.

The asphalt had turned into cobblestone, the light drizzle that had started falling settling quietly between the joints of the stones. On either side of the street there were small bars with red or blue signs blinking above their doors. Those same signs were illuminated in the puddles on the road creating a broken mirror effect that was disturbed whenever someone stepped into them as they were hurrying to take shelter from the cold and the rain.

Every time a door opened the sweet sound of music would escape, making my ears thankful for having taken that turn in the street. It had been so long since I touched an instrument and unconsciously my thumb rubbed against my fingers like they were itching for it.

The steam that came up from the vents put the final touch to the little street, engulfing the beautiful scenery in a blanket of smoke that was trying to hide this part of town from the rest. Protect it from people who surely wouldn’t appreciate the beauty in its simplicity.

I walked more slowly, not caring about the light rain that was falling, looking at the people who went in and out from the bars.

Couples holding each other tight and rushing to get a cab.

Respectable men in suits, with their ties hanging loosely around their necks trying to walk in a straight line and most of them failing.

People who were trying to take cover from the rain and rushing into whichever bar was closer to them.

After a few feet, the street made a small turn to the left and right there, on the right side, I saw the purple sign, almost the same as the card that Sam had handed me.

‘Second Chances’

When I reached the club, I peeked inside through the window. There were only a few people inside and I was able to spot Sam easily. He was on a small wooden stage on the far side of the place, trying to tune his guitar.

I straightened up and taking a deep breath, I pushed the door and entered, leaving everything behind me.

My past, my fears, everything.

I just wish I could leave her behind, as well.

I stood by the door, taking in the surroundings.

The place was actually a long, wide corridor that opened up to a semicircle for the stage at the end of the room. A shiny, black baby piano gleamed under the stage lights, its back leaning against the right side of the circle, facing the bar and the round tables for the audience. The semicircle wall was covered in rough, red bricks and in the middle was a neon sign showing a juicy, pin up girl from the 50’s taking her bath in a huge champagne glass and winking provocatively. The lighting there was a bit brighter than the rest of the club and in whiter, colder tones.

The bar had a shiny counter top made of old, dark wood that was cut in several places to allow the taps of barrels that were under it to fit. Behind it, the wall was covered from the ceiling all the way down with glass shelves filled with bottles, separated into categories. The red lights that shone down from secret spots made them sparkle and changed most of their colors into different shades of red.

Hidden lighting also accentuated the outer part of the bar top, drawing a straight line from its one side to the other.

Tall, wooden chairs were carefully placed along its outer side, their leather a bit worn off but strangely fitting the aesthetic of the place perfectly.

The round tables that filled the place in front of the stage had four chairs around them and red tablecloths covered their top. Small lamps stood in their center shedding a low, white light on them in the form of a perfect circle.

The more I looked at the place, the more it reminded me of the setting of an old gangster movie where men with crisp white jackets made shady deals and women dressed in pearls and fur seduced them with every step they took.

A man in what appeared to be in his late fifties or early sixties, dressed in a plaid shirt and faded jeans was behind the bar holding a notepad and a pen. He was probably taking inventory because from time to time he lifted his hand and looked as if he was counting the bottles. I couldn’t clearly see his face as he was turned away but I was pretty sure he had a small beard and his head was covered by an old cap.

All the time I was standing there, the notes from Sam’s tuning filled the place. He hadn’t seen me, totally absorbed in his task and neither had the old man. So I took a few steps further inside and the movement was what alerted them to my presence.

“Dean…” Sam said, placing his guitar on the floor, and making his way towards me. At the same time, the old man turned toward him and then me, lifting his cap a little to get a better look at me. “… come on in.” He gestured at me with his hand.

“Bobby, this is Dean. The dude I was telling you about.” He added and patted my back. “He’s one hell of a piano player and I think that he would be perfect for the job. I can vouch for him.”

Bobby looked at me once again and then back at Sam who nodded his head. The old man did indeed have a beard and his eyes were sharp. You could tell that he was a man who had seen and done things in his life and gave the impression that if you could get on his good side, he would be a friend for life. But if you got on his wrong one, you had better dig a hole and bury yourself inside.

“Sam, here, has spoken very highly of you Dean, was it?” But before I had the chance to answer, he went on. “I trust his word and I’m willing to give you a chance in my place. I’m looking for someone who can play the set list we have here but also be willing to play any requests. If you think you are up to the task, the job is yours.” He said in what sounded like a southern drawl.

“I am up for the task, sir.” I replied, quickly.

“My name is Bobby, kid. You start tomorrow. Don’t screw it up.” He stated and returned to counting bottles.

After thanking him, which I’m not sure he even heard, I waved goodbye to Sam and went out into the cold night. I welcomed the rain that was still falling. It was almost cleansing, as if it was washing away my past, to give me the opportunity to begin again. For the first time in a while, I managed to trick myself into starting to believe that this was the beginning of my second chance.

* * *


	2. Second Chances, Ch. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and new encounters. Also, sad memories and a smudge of angst. It’s still pretty mellow, people.

* * *

Days faded into weeks, weeks into months and soon enough I was celebrating two years here, still secretly looking for my second chance.

Little by little I learnt the ropes.

Bobby has become a father figure to me and I’m pretty sure that, even though he hasn’t admitted it to anyone, he regards me as a son too.

He is an honest, straightforward person that takes no shit from anyone and he has a way of showing you that you fucked up without actually insulting you. I’ve learnt that all it takes is a cock of his eyebrow to put everyone back to their place. He is the kind of person who, if you manage to win his trust, he will stick by you through thick or thin.

Then there are the other members of the band. There’s Benny who plays the sax and Kevin with his drums.

Benny is a tall man around my age with a small beard and short hair. His trademark is the hat that he never takes off. He’s a very outgoing person and an amazing musician. When he hits his solos I have seen many women looking at him with pure hunger in their eyes and many more slipping him their cards or folded napkins with their phone number on.

Of course, the southern accent he stresses even more when he talks to them, is another factor that women find him irresistible.

Kevin is much younger. He has black hair and is very thin and goofy looking. He is of Asian origin but I have never asked him exactly where from. He resembles one of those nerdy kids you see in teen movies who are constantly walking around carrying books and calculators, their pockets holding pens and his glasses are held together by white scotch tape. His biggest problem is that he’s always stuck in the back of the stage and ‘chicks can’t see him’ as he very eloquently keeps repeating.

We have all clicked together quite nicely and we have managed to draw in a diverse group of people who fill the club almost every night. We know that there are customers that come to see each one of us separately, like groupies or something and that fills us with a strange kind of pride and a lot of happiness.

Of course, Bobby is the happiest one of all because he has seen his business bloom and prosper more than he had anticipated. One night when he had been a little drunk he had said that he considered me his lucky charm because it had been right after I started working there, that everything had come up roses. The minute the words had left his mouth, he had coughed and muttered that if I ever repeated that he would throw me in a ditch and leave me there to rot.

I am still not certain if he was kidding or not. Bobby, definitely, isn’t the mushy type.

And then, there is Ash.

He’s the new bartender that Bobby hired as a favor to one of the regulars of the place. Scrawny, around twenty two or so with long, stringy hair that he usually ties back away from his face. His eyes shine with the hope that we all have when we are young, when we still believe in free will and all that.

I was the first person to meet him when he had walked into the club. I can still remember what he was wearing. It was a very colorful shirt, almost Hawaiian in style, about two sizes bigger than him and a pair of red trousers that were the right size but cut too high, almost till the middle of his calves.

He had greeted me by saying : “Hey, dude.” sprawling himself on a chair without any further explanation.

“Who are you looking for?” I had asked, annoyance clearly evident in my voice.

“Chill, man. I’m here to see Bobby. I’m the new bartender.” He had replied as he pointed finger guns at me.

I seriously doubted that because he had everything that rubbed Bobby the wrong way. I was about to tell him so and probably kick him out, when Bobby had walked in. As soon as he saw him, he had rolled his eyes acknowledging his presence. He had muttered something incoherent under his breath and taken him into his office where Ash had emerged a few minutes later winking and telling me that he would be seeing me in a couple of hours.

He’s turned out to be a good kid and quite efficient at his work but sometimes he can be a real pain in the ass because he talks, _a lot_ , and he still has the cocky swagger of a young person just discovering the world. He’s convinced himself that he is doing this job temporarily. Till he saves up enough money to leave this place as he has been saying for the past few months that he has been working here. I want to support him, tell him that he’s gonna make it out of this place like he wants to. But every time I try, I can’t do it. I don’t want to disappoint him by telling him that I had similar dreams and expectations when I was his age and that all those dreams were snatched away so fast that I didn’t even have the chance to fully realize that they were gone forever.

So, I prefer smiling and nodding along as he gives me a detailed description of the countries he wants to visit and the things he wants to do ‘before he gets too old to wipe his own ass’ as he puts it.

Little by little I found the every day schedule that worked the best for me. The club usually closed around four or five in the morning. After the nightcap that had become a tradition we all went our separate ways to get some rest and shut eye.

I have never been the type to sleep a lot, even more so now that I don’t really regard my job as ‘work’ but rather as something that I enjoy so I never feel truly tired.

So, by eleven or twelve I’m up again.

Sam on the other hand is completely different and he sleeps well until five or six in the evening. But I don’t mind having my ‘morning’ coffee alone.

I prefer it actually.

At least, most of the time.

Watching people on the street while I sit on the small fire escape outside the kitchen window, hurrying to their jobs, fighting over cabs and rushing to the subway is something I could do for hours.

_“Do you think we’ll ever manage to leave this place, Dean? Travel the world and see places?” She asks as we are lying on the grass, under the huge oak on the top of our favorite hill._

_Her eyes are closed and her fingers are, absentmindedly, toying with a small wildflower._

_I prop myself on my elbow and look down at her. My thumb tenderly brushes over her bottom lip and bending down, I kiss her softly._

_“I know we will, baby girl. As soon as everything is ok and we fight this stupid cold that you caught, because - ahem- you never listen to me and dress a bit warmer, we’re gonna hop on the next bus out of here. You, me and two small suitcases. That’s all we need.” I answer, trying to hide my sadness behind my smile._

_“Where are we gonna head off to?” She asks again, opening her eyes and looking straight at me, straight into my soul._

_“Wherever you want. We can go wherever your heart desires.”_

_“I just want a small apartment with a bed and enough space for a baby piano. A little kitchen and a small bathroom will be enough for me.” She whispers and turns her head away as another fit of cough shakes her body._

_I scoop her up in my arms and hold her close till she stops. I kiss her forehead and just hold her close to my chest, close to my heart._

_“You want a small apartment but with enough space for a piano? Seriously babe?” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “Wouldn’t you rather have a bigger place? A more comfortable one?”_

_“Dean, I don’t need space. I only need you. When you play the piano, when you sing, that’s all I need to keep going. YOU are what keeps me going.”_

Getting to the club early, is something that I prefer in complete contrast to the rest of the guys. I like sitting at the piano, playing tunes I love and trying out new ones that have become quite favored by the customers.

I like talking with Bobby who’s always here since he sleeps in a small room in the back of the place. I like listening to him talk about his life and his adventures. How he was once married to the love of his life and how he had lost her. She fought with everything she had to beat it, but ultimately failed which had led Bobby here. He had packed up, left his hometown after that and never looked back.

That piece of information and a tear that he quickly wiped away were like a knife stab to my chest.

So today, like any other day I’m sitting at my spot, my fingers absentmindedly playing with the black and white keys of the piano, a cacophony of plinks and plonks filling the space around me. The place is still empty apart from myself and Ash who is pretending that he is taking inventory till Bobby finally decides to leave for lunch. I know that he hates the task but he does it nonetheless because as Bobby put it when he hired him : “I don’t like you hippies. So, if you wanna keep your job here, you better bring your A-game and not fuck this up.”

So he’s counting bottles and checking the kegs below the counter, all the while his feet are dancing to a tune that’s obviously playing in his head.

“Imma head off for lunch.”

Bobby’s voice interrupts my pointless journey on the keys of the piano as he emerges from the back office. I raise my head towards him and nod while Ash stops moving like a lunatic and wears his ‘professional’ look, as he calls it, which is basically the same look he has apart from the dancing.

“I’ll be back in half an hour or so.” He adds and makes his way to the exit. I look towards the door that closes behind him and I get a glimpse of the people who are rushing to their jobs outside, trying to earn money, build relationships and pretend that they have everything under control.

These are the same people who are going to occupy the seats in front of Ash’s bar in a few hours, trying to drown their feelings in small whiskey glasses and desperately looking for a pair of ears willing to listen to them complain.

About how they have love but not enough money.

About how the money they have can’t buy them love.

About their spouses cheating on them.

About never managing to get out of this place.

I’ve seen these people.

I know these people.

 _I’ve been_ these people.

“About time the old geezer left.” Says Ash and grabbing a bottle of beer, places it at the edge of the counter and with a quick hit he sends the cap flying, watching it fall to the ground with a small sound. He takes a long sip of the drink and unceremoniously lets out a belch. He smiles and looks so proud of his accomplishment.

“You know I can belch the alphabet, dude?” He asks me and once again proves to me how young and, honestly, childish he is.

“Yes, Ash I do. It was one of the first things you told me and showed me when you came here.” I reply and get up from my seat stretching my arms above my head. I place the cover over the piano keys and make my way around the bar in search of my personal bottle of whiskey. Pouring myself a glass, I pat my pocket for my smokes. I think taking up smoking is the one bad habit I’d never thought I’d get but, I guess, it is what it is.

“Hey, Dean,” Ash calls at me as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Did Bobby tell you anything about the new bartender he’s gonna hire?”

The talk about a new bartender has been going around for about a week now but I didn’t really know anything more than the rest of the dudes. I had simply mentioned to Bobby that Ash had really been struggling to serve everybody, especially on Fridays and Saturdays that the place was packed and he had nodded and grunted which meant that he would think about it.

Just a couple of days ago he had announced that he would be hiring some dude named Jamie to help ‘Little lady fingers over there’ as he had said, pointing at Ash but we had received no update ever since.

Failing to find my pack of cigarettes, I remember that I had run out the night before so putting on my jacket I decide to go buy some.

“I know what you know, Ash.” I reply looking over my shoulder and I open the door.

Just as I’m about to walk out into the street, I feel someone crashing into my chest.

“Watch… it.” I grunt and look lower to the person who is still standing there, rubbing their nose and muttering “ouch”. I’m met with a pair of hazel eyes that sparkle as the sun dances in them.

A young woman around the same age as Ash is staring back at me, her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Her posture is straight and although she’s short and thin, she gives off that ‘you don’t wanna get on my bad side’ vibe.

She’s dressed in faded jeans and black biker boots with a leather jacket zipped all the way up and a black beanie on her head. Locks of chestnut hair have escaped from the cute hat, falling around her face.

“You watch it!” She says, not moving from her spot and still looking up at me.

I take a step to the left and mumbling an almost inaudible ‘excuse me’ I turn my collar up and head down the road, wiping images of a different pair of hazel eyes and chestnut hair from my mind.

It’s a small walk to the shop and it usually takes me about ten minutes to get there and back. Today, though, I feel that my feet are slower, all my energy being used by my brain that refuses to stop thinking of that pair of eyes and that sass in her voice.

It has been so long since I gave a girl a second thought. Sam and Benny have seen me toss many girls’ phone numbers in the trash on more than one occasion. So much so, that Benny had once asked me if I were gay.

What’s so different about this one, then?

I close my eyes and I see that sparkle is right there, haunting me I think. Making me lose track of time, making me forget the reason I left the club. Only after I realize that I’ve missed my turn do I snap out of the trance this girl has put me under.

I need to stop thinking about her. She’s just a random girl I bumped into, for fuck’s sake.

I walk into the small shop and the owner slides my cigarettes across the counter without me having to say anything. I leave the money and open the pack quickly, like my life depends on that first draw of nicotine. Biting the filter of the cigarette, I get out of the store and flick my lighter. I inhale and the tip comes to life. I wish I could burn all the bad images and memories off my mind the way the smoke is eating away my cigarette.

I can’t but that has not stopped me from trying.

I make my way back to the club, looking forward to the busy night ahead. Friday is my favorite day because it signals the beginning of the weekend and Monday still seems so far away. I love losing myself in the music, in the noise of the people sounding like bees, in the sweet taste of the whiskey that always rests in a glass on top of my piano.

I love losing myself because that’s the only time I ‘lose’ her from my thoughts.

I push the door open and I am greeted by Ash who is motioning me to come closer and frantically nodding towards Bobby’s office.

“Dude, dude, dude…” he says, still moving his hand in a ‘come here’ gesture.

“What?” I reply, a little annoyed at his excitement and childish behavior.

“So get this. A little after you left, the most gorgeous girl walked in here asking for Bobby. I told her that he was out to lunch and she said that she had an appointment with him and that she would wait till he came back. Soon after, Bobby walked in and took her into his office.”

He wiggles his eyebrows and points towards the office door. “They’ve been in there for a while and I can’t for the life of me hear anything. You think the old geezer has a little treat for himself?”

I roll my eyes so hard that I think they’re gonna disappear in the back of my head.

“Ash… shut the fuck up, dude. I don’t think Bobby is that kind of man and even if he is, that’s no concern of ours. So stop acting like an asshole and get back behind the bar cause I’m sure that you haven’t finished inventory yet.”

He, very audibly, grunts and shuffles his feet back behind the bar the exact same minute that the office door opens and Bobby emerges talking to someone who’s behind him but I can’t see from where I’m standing.

“You’re gonna like it here, Jamie.” He says and turns to look back.

Jamie?

Isn’t that the name of the dude who’s supposed to come work as a bartender?

But Ash said that there was a woman in there with him. So, we’re getting a woman and not a man for the job.

Bobby sure knows what he’s doing. Bringing a woman bartender is guaranteed to make the business flourish.

“The boys here are all very good and they’re gonna help you with everything you want till you get used to the rhythm of the place.”

He stops and wraps his arm around the person behind him, pulling her in the actual bar.

“You have already met Ash,” he says, motioning towards Ash who winks at her smiles that smile that he thinks is cute, “And this here is Dean. The best piano player in the city.”

And that’s when I see her.

The waterfall of long chestnut hair that is no longer hidden under a beanie. The hazel eyes that are still sparkling although there is no sun in here. She has taken off the jacket and I can see a tight Ramones t-shirt following the lines of her figure and over it a plaid red and black shirt that I hadn’t noticed she was wearing before.

She looks stunned for a second but quickly recovers and makes her way towards me, her small hand extended.

“Nice to meet you, Dean.” She says. “Again!”

I think I must be looking like a complete idiot staring at her and not moving an inch until Bobby comes next to me and lightly punches my shoulder, fake coughing. I shake her still outstretched hand and for a moment I feel like something has come alive in me.

I feel my heart beating a little faster and I’m hot all of a sudden.

What is this girl doing to me?

And more importantly, why?

“You too, Jamie.” I reply.


	3. Second Chances, Ch.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff and some more fluff everywhere

We are well into the third week that Jamie has been working here and everyone is in love with her.

Ash has been sporting puppy dog eyes through his entire shift, stealing glances at her and following her around whenever he’s not confined behind the narrow space of the bar. He has even gone against my advice and made a pass at her. It was a sweet and quite cute pass which was met with an equally cute ‘crash and burn’ response from her.

Bobby is secretly congratulating himself for hiring her because apart from being very easy on the eyes and that the clientele is clearly fascinated by her, she’s also very good at her job. She knows every mixture of all the cocktails, without looking it up, and she’s quick managing her designated area and serving people. So much so, that the bar chairs in front of her fill up first, and it’s easy to spot the regulars that get annoyed when there isn’t a spot there that’s free. As soon as someone leaves, their vacated chair doesn’t stay empty for long.

Sam, Kevin and Bennie are also kinda smitten by her. In the little while she’s been here, she has managed to get herself out of a couple of sticky situations with some pushy and grabby customers. She had done so in such a manner that they had apologised for their rude behaviour without having to be prompted before tucking tail and leaving a generous tip behind.

Her badassiness and demeanor in general has earned her their absolute admiration and respect.

She reminds us of a female version of Bobby because she knows exactly how to handle difficult situations without breaking a sweat and the sassy cock of her eyebrow when she’s angry is intimidating to say the least.

When she first came here, she didn’t talk to us much. Apart from the ‘hellos’ and ‘goodnights’ we all exchanged when we arrived and left the place, there was nothing more. I thought that maybe she was involved with someone and she didn’t want to appear available or anything and I was happy with that scenario.

It meant that I shouldn’t be looking at her the way I did and I shouldn’t be thinking about her constantly. I had caught myself staring at her, taking in the way she moved and how she did a thing with her fingers, placing locks of hair behind her ear when they fell in front of her face. She just caressed the shell of her ear and tucked the tendrils behind it. I can’t help but imagine how her skin would goosebump if I licked that small part of her skin.

And I had mentally slapped myself every time those thoughts had crossed my mind. 

What the fuck was happening to me?

That was not me.

I’m not a horny teenager or a creepy guy lusting after a woman. It has been so long since I’ve felt those butterflies in my stomach, even longer since I needed to steal a second glance at a girl, and a lifetime since I fantasized about anyone that everything felt so foreign.

And we haven’t even exchanged two words!

But as days went by, I realized that she came and left on her own. That there was no-one there for her when the club closed and no-one ever dropped her off when the club opened. I also noticed that she tossed many men’s cards and phone numbers in the trash.

Maybe she was gay.

Or maybe she just wasn’t interested.

I was itching to learn things about her. Where she was from, what had brought her here or if she was a born and raised city girl. I wanted to sit with her, after the bar closed and share a drink.

Play music for her.

Just be with her.

So, when she joined us for the customary nightcap for the first time, I was more than happy because that gave me the chance to be with her for a while longer. I didn’t know what had made her take that step and join us but I didn’t really care.

I was just happy she had.

She drank whiskey, just like me, and she seemed like she could handle her liquor very well. I sat there, watching her as she interacted with the rest of the boys. Looking totally at ease and making sure everyone was included in the conversation, she was smiling and I couldn’t help but notice that she smiled at me more than anyone.

Or was that just wishful thinking?

Bennie offered to walk her home but she politely declined and she left the place, waving her goodnight to us all.

As Sam and I were walking home that night, he had commented that she seemed like a nice girl.

Sweet and happy.

He had mentioned how pretty she looked when she smiled and how cleverly she could handle anything and anyone that came her way at the bar.

I had chuckled an ‘uh huh’ and said nothing more, not wanting to go out on a limb and tell him something that could be proven wrong.

But when I laid on the sofa that night, my cigarette burning away between my fingers, I replayed in my head all the images I had of her.

And I knew that I wasn’t wrong.

Because, yes, she looked so cute when she smiled. But what the guys failed to see was the details. If someone paid close attention, they would see that her smile never reached her eyes. That most of the time, she would lower her head and her plump lips would turn into a thin, sad line only to be smiling at everyone again in a few seconds.

If someone took a minute to really see beyond the beautiful shell, they’d see the sadness behind the smile, the loneliness she felt when among so many people.

To me, all those things pointed in one direction.

That she was a woman, deeply hurt and maybe even scared. A woman trying to run away from something, maybe even herself.

A woman in need of a fresh start.

And, boy, did I feel that in my bones.

Still, I wanted to be wrong.

It’s a Thursday, after all the customers have left and me, Sam and Jamie are sitting around one of the tables, enjoying our nightcap and talking about some of our regulars.

Steve, who is in the navy, and will probably spend his whole life traveling from place to place. He is a tall, handsome guy with kind eyes and a warm smile. He drinks vodka with lemon and with every sip he takes, he also makes a hissing sound like he hasn’t tasted lemon before.

Mike, the realtor who is always complaining about not being able to find a wife and has never left a generous tip in his life. Maybe someone should tell him that’s the reason he can’t get a wife. Because he’s a stingy motherfucker. He’s a whiskey neat guy but the cheap kind of whiskey.

And old Carl, who always sits at the far end of the bar, not talking much but silently taking in the crowd. Maybe he’s reminiscing about his own youth because sometimes he smiles a little and shakes his head at the stupid things young people do. He’s a tonic and gin guy and so sweet and quiet.

Bennie left with a girl who had been fangirling over him the entire night and Kevin said that he was tired and wanted to get some shut eye but none of us believed him. We were pretty sure that he wanted to finish the Netflix marathon of his favorite show but we said nothing and just looked at each other knowingly.

Bobby has retired to the back office as he does most nights, leaving me to lock up the place since I am usually the last one leaving.

“Well, I think I’mma head off too. I’m kinda beat, not Kevin beat but really beat.” Sam says, getting up from his chair and rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. “You want me to wait for you, dude?” He asks, looking at me.

I glance over to my left, where Jamie is sitting and I see her playing with her whiskey glass, rolling it between her palms and carefully avoiding looking up. I realize that this is the first time that we can have the chance to be alone together and I’m equal parts excited and scared at the possibility.

“No, man. I’mma hang with Jamie for a while. You go ahead.” I reply and nod my head.

“Cool.” Sam says and grabbing his coat he heads for the door waving goodbye with his giant arm.

The atmosphere changes within seconds of the door closing behind Sam. I can suddenly feel the air getting thicker and my fingers are desperately trying to take the paper label off my beer bottle. I just now notice that the lights are low and the place is completely silent. It’s so silent that I’m afraid that pretty soon she will be able to hear the beating of my heart as it’s dangerously accelerating. I have to find something to say soon, otherwise this whole thing will have been for nothing. Trying to swallow the lump that is currently occupying the space in my throat, I let out a small cough.

“So…” I begin and see her turn her head towards me, smiling.

“So…” She repeats and I think that she isn’t set on making this easy for me. I decide to go with the usual, stupid conversation starters but at least carefully avoid the ‘it’s a nice weather we’re having’ bit.

“How do you like it here, Jamie? Do you like working in this place?” I ask feeling proud of myself for managing to put those few words together.

I’m waiting for her reply and I’m genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say, because if she isn’t, maybe that would make her wanna leave and I am not ready for that.

“I love it.” She responds and turns her whole body towards me so that she’s now facing my way completely. “Bobby is an amazing man and the customers here are mostly…” she chuckles and I do too, “…kind and generous. And you guys… you have all made me feel so welcome here since day one. You’ve been so helpful and kind and I don’t feel like it’s coming to work. I feel like I’m coming here to meet friends.”

I love hearing her talk. Her voice is so sweet and melodic but it also carries a deep, sexy undertone that makes me wonder how she would sound when she’s ready to come.

I deliver another mental slap to myself and try to focus on what she’s saying, sure that I’ve missed a lot by now.

“And the music… mmmm, I can’t get enough of the music you guys play…” she goes on and I notice a lock of hair falling in front of her face as she lowers her head and takes a small breath.

Before I have the chance to process what I’m doing, I reach out and gently place that lock of hair behind her ear, like I’ve seen her do so many times. My fingers linger on the shell of her ear a few more seconds than they have to and I’m almost ready to apologize for my rudeness when I see her look at me and smile.

But this time it’s so different. It’s not the kind of smile that usually plays on her lips. That smile that is sad and never manages to find its way to the sparkle of her eyes.

This time, she smiles and I see her whole face come alive.

Her cheeks blush in the cutest way possible and two small dimples appear on either side of her face. Her eyebrows raise a little as if she herself is surprised at the way she feels and her eyes are so vibrant that they are now more green than hazel.

“I… I… I had to…” I stutter like a kid, “… had to, you know, put that back…”

Great!

Now she must think I’m an idiot.

“Thank you.” She replies and her eyes lock with mine and stay there, looking deep inside me in a way that no woman has ever looked at me.

No woman since _her_.

“Uuuhhmmm…” she mumbles, blinking and breaking the connection. “You want another beer?”

I shake my head a little, like I want to clear my thoughts and reply awkwardly, “Yeah, yeah, sure.”

She gets up and goes to the big, glass fridge that’s below the bar. She grabs a bottle of beer and flips the cap pretty much the same way Ash does and winks at me. I have never seen her wink before and God!

She’s so sexy and cute.

But she doesn’t come to where I’m still sitting, admiring the way her body moves.

She is so graceful, as if her feet don’t touch the floor.

As if she’s floating on air.

She’s making her way towards the stage and places the bottle on the piano, nodding with her head and inviting me to join her there.

I follow her silent order and sit at the piano bench, rubbing my palms on my thighs not knowing what I should do next.

“Play something for me, Dean.”

The way my name falls from her lips is so hot. I have never heard it sound like that and I gaze up at where she’s standing. I don’t think I could deny her anything as long as I have the chance to hear her say my name.

“What would you like to hear, babe?” I ask and notice the blush that dusts her cheeks.

“Do you know how to play ‘Hey Jude’?” She asks, again dipping her head and controlling that strand of hair that refuses to stay tucked behind her ear.

‘Hey Jude’ had always had a special place in my heart because it was the first song that I managed to complete on the piano without making any mistakes. It was the song that my mom used to sing to me when she was trying to put me to sleep.

So, it’s not just a song for me. It’s a part of my past, a soundtrack woven into my very soul.

But she couldn’t have known that and the fact that she has chosen this particular song just screams ‘serendipity’ into my stupid brain.

“Of course, I do.” I respond and rubbing my palms on my thighs one more time, I begin playing the first notes of the song. Just at the right moment, she joins in, singing the lyrics and carrying the tune so well that I raise my head and simply stare at her. My fingers falter for just a fraction of a second as I watch her.

Her eyes are closed and her mouth looks as if she’s not really singing but as if she’s caressing the words, giving them a completely different tone.

And I think I now love the song a little more than I used to for that reason alone.

My fingers dance on the keys as my eyes stay focused on her. How she moves her head, how she takes in every breath that will help her deliver the right note and as I’m about to join in with her…

“What in the hell are you two idjits still doing here?”

Bobby is standing at the back office door, his eyebrows drawn together in a clear indication of his annoyance. The fact that he was sleeping, had completely slipped from both our minds.

I pull my fingers abruptly back from the keys and she stops singing. The place is instantly clouded in silence and we can do nothing but stare at Bobby who is looking back and forth between me and Jamie. Scratching the back of his head, he says, “You too better stop annoying the living hell out of me and head on home or wherever ya wanna go. Just shut yo mouths and get a room or something.”

I slowly get up from my seat and try to avoid looking at Jamie who is blushing so hard that her cheeks must be burning. Placing the lid over the keys, I get off the stage and she follows right behind me. We put on our coats and say ‘goodnight’ to Bobby who disappears behind the door, slamming it shut and mumbling ‘idjits’ under his breath.

We both stand for a minute outside the club, letting the coolness of the night air clear our heads and maybe slow down my frantically beating heart. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and releases it, making a small, contented sound.

There’s a very good chance that I’m staring at her again, a little spaced out and a sudden car honk in the distance that makes me jump a little confirms my suspicion.

I rub the back of my head and clear my throat.

“Um, you want me to walk you to your place? It’s kinda late.” I offer, praying that she takes me up on it.

She reaches out and places her hand on my chest, looking up at me and smiles.

“No, Dean. Thank you so much but it’s really very close by. You should go home and get some rest. It’s already tomorrow.”

I take her hand in mine and slowly raise it to my lips. I’m afraid that she’s going to pull it back so I keep my eyes on her face for any indication of annoyance. She doesn’t, so I kiss it softly and I see that smile that reaches her eyes once again form on her face. Her skin is so warm and her hand fits so perfectly in mine that I don’t want to let go.

But I know I have to.

I release it and she gently rubs the spot where my lips had touched it with her thumb. 

“Goodnight, Dean. Dream sweet dreams.” She says and starts walking.

“Goodnight, Jamie.” I say out loud and the voice inside me is already begging my subconscious to let her in my dreams.


	4. Second Chances, Ch.4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, painful memories and carpe diem.

* * *

A cloud of chestnut hair is fanned out on the pillow.

Her eyes are closed and her head is turned to the side revealing her pulse, the protruding vein is beating frantically.

I can’t stop looking at her… I can’t stop listening as small moans of pleasure escape her parted lips.

It’s my name that spills from them, sounding like a prayer, as if she’s begging for a release, for the ultimate pleasure.

Her body is glistening, covered in a thin sheet of sweat and all I want to do is taste her.

But what I see is far more erotic, far more sensual.

Her right leg is thrown over my shoulder and her left one is spread open, giving me access to her burning core. I look down between our bodies, right at the spot that we are connected.

With each slow thrust of my dick inside her, I feel her moving closer to the edge. Closer to completely surrendering to me.

“Mmmmm… just like that, Dean…”

There’s my name again, sounding so different coming from her. Like, it is meant to be uttered by her lips only.

“Please, don’t stop… I’m so close…” she whispers and I feel her clenching around me.

“I’ve got you baby.” I say and bury my head in her neck. I move faster and deeper, hitting her sweet spot over and over again.

“Aaaahh, Dean… Dean… Dean…”

“DEAN! DEAN! Yo dude, wake up!!” Sam’s voice interrupts us and the best dream I’ve had in years abruptly ends.

I open my eyes and I see him nudging at my shoulder and shouting for me to wake up. I know that there’s probably a good reason that he’s yelling at me repeatedly but all I want to do right now is punch him in the face.

“Hey, man… wake up! It’s five thirty. What’s the matter with you? You’ve never slept this much. Are you feeling ok?” He keeps talking and asking questions but the only thing registering is the mentioning of the time.

Have I really slept that much?

But then again, I was having such a beautiful dream that it’s quite possible I did. I check the big clock on the wall opposite the couch and I see that he’s right. I have been sleeping for a solid ten hours.

“Get up, man,” Sam keeps repeating, “… and, for everything that’s holy, take a cold shower.” He adds pointing with his head at the lower part of my body, to a very evident and embarrassing boner that can’t be hidden by my sweatpants.

I let out a small cough and get up, and I place my feet on the floor, absorbing the cold feel of the tiles under them. I scratch the back of my head and thank Sam for waking me up. Hurrying across the room and seeking solitude, I lock myself in the small bathroom. Leaning against the sink, I take a good look at the man staring back. Rubbing my cheek with my hand, I decided to forgo shaving and keep the light stubble that’s supposed to be fashionable these days, anyway. I don’t think anyone would care, to be honest.

I undress and check the water in the shower for the right pressure and heat. The pressure is something that has never been appropriate since the day I started living here but at least the water is warm enough. I get under it and let it wash over me, completely waking me up. I rest my forehead on the shower wall and close my eyes. There she is again.

Biting her lip to keep from screaming.

Fisting the sheets as she’s about to come.

Moaning my name.

My dick is getting hard again and I feel like a fucking teenager who has woken up from a wet dream and has to rub one off in the shower. Come to think of it, every part of that scenario is correct apart from the ‘teenager’ part.

But the more I see her in my head, moaning and writhing under my touch the harder I get. So, I wrap my hand around my dick and pump it in a desperate need to find release. A release that my body has not really craved for such a long time. I keep her image right there, behind my tightly shut eyes and I keep going till I come. I feel a strange kind of embarrassment but at the same time I feel good.

After I’m done, I take another shower, a proper one this time and wrapping a towel around my waist I go out in the living room. It’s empty and I figure that Sam has already left for the club. Looking at the clock again, I realize that I’ve been in the bathroom for more than half an hour and that means that for the first time in my life I’m going to be late for work, if I don’t hurry.

And I don’t really care about the fact that I’m going to be late for work but rather for the fact that I’m going to be late seeing her. And that’s something that I definitely don’t want.

I get dressed quickly and leave the apartment, my feet walking so fast that I’m almost running. When I reach the club, I pause outside and take a deep breath, trying to calm my heart rate. Bending my head a little, I peek through the window and see that everyone is there.

Sam and Kevin are on the small stage, laughing and throwing some notes from their instruments here and there. Benny is with Ash behind the bar, both enjoying a beer before the hustle and bustle of the night begins.

I can’t see Jamie and I’m wondering if she’s not here yet or if she’s sick or something. Both scenarios cause concern because in all the time she’s been working here, she’s never been late.

On the contrary.

She’s always here way earlier than required and that is something that has given me so much joy.

Just as my heart rate starts going up again, I see her emerging from Bobby’s office, her body still half turned towards that direction and still talking to him, apparently. A small smile forms on my lips and right then she turns completely and spots me, looking at her.

She winks at me and motions at me with her head to come inside, also pointing at her wrist with her finger as if she wanted to remind me of the time and how ridiculously late I already am.

I get in quickly and make my way towards the small stage ready to take my seat with the rest of the guys. Before I get there, though, Jamie walks in front of me, cutting me off.

“Hi.” She says, looking in my eyes and smiling that sweet smile of hers. “Are you ok, Dean? You are awfully late today and I was a little worried.”

“Uuuuhhmm…” I stutter, like I’m not sure what the right answer to her question is. “… yeah, yeah. I’m good. I’m fine. I just overslept, that’s all.”

The images of the dream flash back into my head and I feel so embarrassed like I’m a little kid caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. There’s even a very good possibility that I’ve blushed. It’s like, if she keeps staring at me she will be able to see what’s playing in my head, see my dream of her. I know that’s impossible but I hastily make my way towards the stage, awkwardly coughing.

Pretty soon, people start pouring in, some faces new, some faces familiar. It’s not really crowded yet so I can clearly see anyone who’s coming in.

There’s the usual group of businessmen. They come in every Thursday evening, probably after their offices close and they are happy with the money they have earned. They always occupy a table on the far left of the room, drinking together and making small talk. I don’t really know about what, though. The only thing I do know about them is that they carry a certain aura of loneliness with them.

They sit there, a big group of successful people who have probably traveled a lot and seen places and yet they seem so lonely.

They drink together but they are alone.

And there’s old Carl, sitting in his favorite spot and already sipping on his tonic and gin. He sees me looking at him and waves a little with his hand. I nod my head towards him and I feel like everything is going to be ok again tonight.

The night goes by so smoothly, people coming in, enjoying their drinks and their company, listening to our songs and requesting tunes and melodies that remind them of certain events of their lives.

Sad melodies, happy ones. But whatever the kind, they all have the same look when they listen to them. A look that indicates very clearly that they are reliving those memories through the melody of the song.

And through all the coming and going, through all the requesting and reminiscing, my eyes stay focused on her.

How she moves behind the counter, helping Ash with his orders and serving the people sitting in front of her.

How every time she catches me looking, she smiles at me and I feel like the whole world is smiling with her.

How she brings me a new glass of whiskey when she sees that the previous one is empty. She brings it, places it on top of the piano and touching my shoulder lightly, she returns to her spot.

The night goes by quickly and little by little, the crowd becomes thinner and there are only a few people left. There’s the group of businessmen that have stayed too late tonight and old Carl who is still sipping at his third tonic and gin. The voices have become lower, the lights have become dimmer and that’s the first time I hear old Carl talking.

“Hey, piano man. Can you please, play me a melody, son?” He asks and motions for Ash to get me another whiskey.

“Sure thing, Carl.” I answer and wait for him to tell me the song he wants. But he doesn’t answer. Instead, I see him looking at some place behind me but I know he’s not really seeing anything. He’s just daydreaming and probably living in a memory that’s connected to the song he wants to hear.

“Carl…?” I repeat and he shifts his gaze to me. He still doesn’t answer but he slowly gets up from his seat and makes his way towards the stage. He stops right next to the edge and says : “It’s a sad but sweet melody, son. I knew it by heart when I was younger. When I was not alone… When she was with me…” and he starts humming a few notes from the song he wants to hear.

I know it and immediately I play along, accompanying his murmuring and watch him move his finger as if he’s conducting our small concert, his eyes closed. Sam joins in with his guitar and we all watch as old Carl is reliving a memory and a melody that obviously brings him so much joy but at the same time, so much pain.

When the song is over, we all look at him and wait as he’s still moving his hand in the melody that is probably still playing in his head. The whole club is suddenly completely silent as if we’re all waiting for him to say something.

Waiting for anyone to say something.

After a few seconds, he stops waving his hand and opens his eyes slowly looking around at us. A sad smile appears on his lips.

“Thank you, son.” He whispers, looking at me and then around him. “Thank you all. And just know this. Don’t let anything good that comes in your life slip away. Grab it with both hands and lock it in your hearts when it happens. Because there’s a good chance that it can disappear as quickly as it has arrived. And then you’ll regret not having taken your chance.” He lowers his head, swallows the lump in his throat and we are doing our best not to stare at him. “Because even if that good thing is gone, at some point, you will have at least lived the moment. Take it from an old fart like me.”

He turns and makes his way to the exit, stopping there for a second and waving goodbye at us.

_You’ll regret not taking your chance._

His words keep playing in my head all the while Sam, Kevin and Bennie are putting away their instruments and getting ready to leave.

I hear them like they’re on loop as I watch Ash and Jamie clean up the counter and place the clean glasses back to their spots on the shelves.

I know he’s right.

My first chance at happiness is already gone. It disappeared the minute I lost her.

If Jamie is the universe’s way of telling me that I should try again, then I have to take it.

I have to carpe the hell out of the diem.

_“How are you today, babygirl?” I ask as I sit by her bedside. I take her hand in mine and slowly raise it to my lips._

_She’s burning up again._

_This damn fever just won’t break._

_“I’m great, Dean. I’m almost ready to get up and go dancing with you.” She answers and slowly turns her head away because her whole body starts shaking by that fucking cough again._

_I help her get in a more upward position and give her some water which helps a little._

_She lays back down and a sad smile appears on her lips._

_“Babe, you know I don’t dance but I’ll take you for a ride in my car the minute you are finished getting dressed.”_

_I’m lying and she knows it._

_She knows that we’re not gonna go dancing. And we’re not gonna go on a drive either._

_And it hurts me so bad because I had promised her that I’d never lie to her. But right now, that’s all I can offer._

_My love and my lies._

_“Aw, darling…” she just says and caresses my cheek with her palm._

_I lean into her touch and I try with everything that I have not to cry._

_Because I can sense that the end is near._

Everyone has left and Bobby has retired to the back room to sleep a long time ago. I’m waiting for Jamie to turn off the last lights so I can lock up after us.

When everything is checked, we step outside and I lock the door. We look at each other, a little awkwardly and smile.

We’re both lingering there, at our spots as if one is waiting for the other to say or do something.

A few more seconds go by and I can’t find the strength to tell her everything I want to. To tell her that Carl was right and she’s my second chance. That in the little time we’ve known each other she has become the reason to get up in the morning. 

The reason to see hope again when I thought I had lost all of it.

To start believing that good things are bound to happen for me.

I have no guts to admit that I’m incurably, head over heels, in love with her.

I stay silent.

“So, goodnight Dean.” She finally says when she sees that there are no words coming out of my mouth.

“Uh hmm, goodnight Jamie.” I reply and mentally kick myself for being unable to form thoughts into words. That has never been me.

I have always been a man who expressed himself easily and that has been the case in all aspects of my life. But with her…

I lose my train of thought.

She turns around and starts walking towards the direction of her apartment.

I stand still and watch her and I want to call after her.

I don’t.

Just as I’m about to turn around too I see her stopping. She’s not that far and I can understand that she has taken a deep breath. I see her shoulders lifting and then falling and then she turns around.

“Dean…?” She calls from where she’s standing.

“Yes?” I reply and start moving towards her, my heart beating faster with each step I take.

When I’m almost in front of her, she reaches out like she wants to take my hand.

“Will you walk me home?” She asks and my fingers tangle in hers before I even answer. Her hand fits perfectly in mine like that’s its rightful place.

“Of course!”

I think that’s the only thing that can come out of my mouth now and remotely resemble English. I look at her and then at our joined hands. This goes beyond anything I’d have dreamed possible.

She tugs at me softly and we both start walking. The cobblestone street is now silent and the signs of the bars along it are dark. That makes the light rain that just began falling, sound more audible. I can hear the small drops and they hit the ground, surrendering themselves to the laws of nature.

“It’s raining again.” She says and her eyes turn to the sky.

“Do you want to walk faster?” I ask and I follow her gaze.

“No. I don’t care. I love the rain.” Her reply comes quickly and she lets go of my hand and starts a small twirling dance.

Her arms are stretched out on either side of her body and her feet move in small circles.

Round and round.

A smile on her face and I can feel my lips curling into one too as I stand there watching her, enjoying her small party of one. 

There are a couple of people rushing by, trying to find shelter from the rain. They look at her and shake their heads, wondering what’s wrong.

But she doesn’t care.

Suddenly, I feel my feet moving but I don’t remember my brain giving them the order.

I get closer to her and circle my arms around her waist, stopping her and caging her in my embrace. She looks at me, a little stunned but she smiles and I feel her relaxing. The raindrops keep falling on her face and my palm finds its way to her flustered cheek, cupping it softly. Her skin is warm against my touch from all the dancing and the way she leans into my touch does things to me.

I want to bend my head low and kiss her lips.

Taste her.

Feel how her body would react to me.

I move my head a little lower, just to test the waters, and she doesn’t move at all. Instead, she parts her lips like she’s inviting me to go ahead and do all the things that I’ve been dreaming.

Slowly, softly I brush my lips against hers and I feel her opening up. Her tongue licks against mine and I’m grateful for the rain that is washing over us because it is very possible that I can spontaneously combust in flames.

My thumb caresses her cheek and my hand moves to the back of her neck as our kiss deepens and becomes more demanding. Her body presses against mine and she gets on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my shoulders the same minute my free one goes around her waist, lifting her up.

A small moan escapes her lips and sends waves of pleasure through my entire body. This is better than I could have ever imagined our first kiss to be.

We are standing under the rain, wishing that it will wash away our past.

Holding on to each other like two people who had been searching for their other half and have just now found it.

Kissing each other with such passion and need like we want to breathe through each other’s lungs, share the same oxygen.

We’re both soaking wet but neither of us care.

We don’t stop.

At least not until we need to catch our breaths.

That’s when I feel her breaking the kiss reluctantly and that’s when I let her feet touch the ground again. She, shyly, looks up at me and smiles biting her lower lip and driving me insane again. She plants a quick kiss on my lips and giggles like a little kid as her fingers tangle in mine.

“Come on, Dean. Run! I don’t want you catching your death from a cold.” She says and tugs my arm.

_‘Catch your death from a cold’_

No.

I’m not going to think about that now.

Not now that everything is so good.

I start running and soon we reach a big apartment building that’s actually not that far from the club.

It looks like most buildings in the city. Red bricks on the outside and fire escapes crawling on its surface like big snakes. The entrance is small and dimly lit and we take shelter under its small roof.

She shakes her coat to get rid of the raindrops that still linger there and looks up at me through her long lashes.

“Thanks for walking me here.” She says and reaching out, she places her hand on my chest.

I cup it with my own, keeping it there and I reply : “My pleasure.”

Standing on her toes, she kisses my cheek and quickly pushes the door and runs inside. Right before she disappears in the elevator, she turns around and winks at me.

I look at her till the doors close in front of her and then start making my way towards my place, the events of what has transpired playing on a loop in my head. Everything has happened so quickly. And I would have never imagined that she would be the one to take the first step.

I feel so happy and so grateful that she did and I think that my face is going to split in half by the smile that’s found residence on it.

Her happy dance under the rain…

The way her body had molded against mine…

The taste of her lips and the softness of her skin…

I get to my apartment in no time, it seems. Shedding my wet clothes, I change into my sweats and T-shirt and fall on the couch feeling content.

Feeling reborn.

This has to work out well.

The universe fucking owes me.


	5. Second Chances, Ch.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff with a speck of angst, loss of a loved one, hope of a new beginning. Basically it’s all warm feelings with a stab of pain here and there.

* * *

I wake up and I still have the taste of her lips on mine and the warmth of her skin under my touch.

I’m still smiling.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face and I woke up with the same smile. For the first time since I lost _her_ , I feel truly happy.

For the first time since that dreadful afternoon, I think I could love again.

_I feel numb._

_People talk to me but it all sounds like static coming from a busted up radio. Everyone is slowly moving away from the grave and I’m left there, alone. Standing over it and looking down still not believing that I am not going to see her again._

_I watch as the casket is slowly being covered by the dirt the workers are throwing on it, my red rose on top disappearing little by little._

_I haven’t processed what has happened yet. The last thing I fully remember is getting the call from her mother._

_The time was 22:34._

_I barely made out what she was saying. Jumbled up words about her being rushed to the hospital, something about a surgery but nothing that made sense to me. The first and probably only thing I managed to process was the time of the burial._

_I hung up as she was still talking._

_I sat on my bed and just watched the hands of the clock move. The one counting the seconds, going round and round, pushing the other two to turn as well._

_When I really saw the time again, it was 23:30._

_What happened from that time till now is a blur._

_I know I still haven’t cried._

_But the more I watch the men throwing dirt in the hole in the ground, the more I begin to feel suffocated._

_And angry._

_I wanna yell at them to stop but my throat is blocked by a huge lump._

_I wanna go and punch them because they’re going about their job not noticing how much I’m hurting. But my feet feel like they’re stuck in mud._

_My whole body feels like a machine that’s overheating and is about to explode._

_There is a voice in my head yelling ‘STOP’ over and over again but no sound comes out._

_I open my mouth to try and tell them that but the only thing coming out is a scream. One resembling a wounded animal. I sink to my knees and scream again._

_And all of a sudden there’s just silence._

_Deafening silence that is broken only by my uncontrollable sobs that rattle my entire body._

_Sam was the one that pulled me to my feet and took me home._

_That’s the day I took up smoking._

_The time was 13:46._

I get off my couch and stretch my legs. Sam is still sleeping, as usual, and I walk to the small kitchen in order to make coffee. I pour water in the coffee maker, add two spoonfuls of the brown, grounded beans and wait for the familiar gurgling sound the machine makes to start.

When it’s ready, I pour myself a big cup and leave the rest in the pot for Sam. He should be up any minute.

As I’m making my way back to the living room, I pass by the small chest of drawers that I put my clothes in when I first came here. I stop and placing my cup on top, I open the smallest drawer.

Inside, there’s a Manila envelope where I’ve stored all my papers and credentials. I take that and sit on my couch, spilling the contents onto the cushions. My fingers are searching through the papers till I find what I’m looking for.

Her photo.

The colors have faded a little but the vibrant color of her eyes can still be made out. Her hair is swept up in a messy bun and soft curls fall around her beautiful face. She’s looking at me and smiling and I still remember her telling me to snap that pic and be over with it.

She never liked having her picture taken and the fact that I have this one is just a matter of pure luck. She had let me keep it because I had been complaining for more than an hour.

My thumb caresses the picture and a small, bitter sigh leaves my mouth.

“I still miss you, you know.” I start and take a deep breath. “Every day. But I’m feeling happy for the first time since I lost you, baby. She makes me feel the way you did. I can smile again. I can laugh again. I can feel again.”

I take a small pause as if I’m waiting for someone to reply to my monologue. Taking another deep breath, I continue. 

“I’m sorry, baby girl. You will always be my first love. But I think, maybe in time, she’ll be my last one. I know you see me, I know you watch over me and I’m sure that you’d want me to be happy again. So, this is my second chance, darling.”

I raise the picture to my lips and kiss it, softly.

“Goodbye.” I whisper.

“Hey, dude…” Sam’s voice is heard from the direction of his room and I quickly put everything back in the envelope. He takes a look on the couch and notices my hasty movements so he coughs and scratching the back of his neck pretends he hasn’t seen anything. “Is there coffee on?” He asks and moves to the kitchen.

“Yeah, there’s some left in the pot. Just made it.” I reply and go to the chest of drawers. I hastily put the envelope back in and push the drawer shut.

He comes back into the room, coffee mug in hand and stands next to me, looking at the drawer I had just stashed the papers in . “Is everything ok, man?”

“Yeah, yeah…” I say quickly. Too quickly.

Sam knows when he shouldn’t push so he just pats me on the back.

“If you ever…” he starts.

“I know.”

We both finish our coffees and chat about what old Carl had said and done the night before. Sam knows me very well and he’s realized how the old man’s words affected me but he is also a very discreet person and he doesn’t want to pry. So, we only focus on guessing what could have brought up Carl’s behavior, carefully tiptoeing around my own feelings and thoughts on the matter.

I won’t tell him about what happened between me and Jamie.

How she was the one to make the first move.

How her dance under the rain had brought a genuine smile to my lips.

How our kiss had sparked a fire inside me. A fire I always thought was out for good.

Maybe she wouldn’t want people to know about us.

Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and she didn’t really see anything more serious to last night’s events.

I can’t tell anyone, not even Sam, before I talk with her first.

The time is barely past three but I can’t sit around the house waiting.

Sam notices me looking at the clock and says : “You wanna leave, dude? Get to the club early?”

I chuckle and I know I can’t lie to him.

“Yeah…” I admit but before I get the chance to continue, he says : “You like her, don’t you? Jamie, I mean.”

I nod my head, avoiding looking at him. “I do, man. I think I’m falling for her. I mean maybe it’s too soon, maybe I’m jumping the gun, but when I’m around her…” I can’t quite verbalise it so I stop talking.

A wide smile spreads across Sam’s face and he pats my back. “About time, Dean. About time you let someone in after all these years.”

“Am I doing the right thing, dude? Up until a few weeks ago I never thought that having feelings like this for someone that wasn’t _her_ , would even be possible. But now, all I can think about is Jamie. Her smile, her eyes, her heart. The way she makes my own heart beat faster when I’m with her. I haven’t felt like that since her.”

“You’re doing the right thing, man. You are entitled to love and to feel happiness after all the time you have mourned. I don’t think she would have wanted you to suffer. I’m sure she’d want you to move on and find love again. And Jamie looks like a good girl,” Sam says, and placing his mug on the table nudges at my shoulder. “Now, get up and let’s head out of here.”

“Thanks, Sam,” I reply and make my way to the bathroom so I can get dressed.

All the way to the club Sam has been complaining that I am not walking but running instead. I try slowing down a little but it’s like my feet have a mind of their own. Each time I bid them to go slower they just do it for a second and then pick up the pace again. It’s like they are attuned to my need and desire to be close to her as soon as possible so they just ignore Sam.

I think today is a little warmer. The colors of the setting sun look more vivid and the people passing us by look as if they’re smiling. I’m pretty sure that I’m smiling too.

When we reach the club, I take my familiar peek through the window and I see that she’s already here, looking out from her spot behind the bar. She spots me immediately and smiles her warmest smile, motioning at me with her head to come in. I follow her unspoken order and push the door open. Sam walks in first and I’m behind him, trying to control my frantic heartbeat and the smile that indeed threatens to split my face in half. I deliberately stay behind as Sam goes to greet the rest of the boys who are on the small stage laughing about something.

I take a seat in front of Jamie at the bar and she brings me a glass of my favorite whiskey. She places it in front of me but she doesn’t remove her hand from the glass so I gently touch her fingers with mine before I take it. I see her blushing a little and lower her head as she places that familiar strand of hair behind her ear.

This whole wordless interaction reminds me of sweet teenage love.

When the boy and girl are just getting to know each other, exploring their likes and dislikes, exploring their limits around other people. And although it’s been quite a while since either of us has been a teenager, I don’t care.

I welcome this silly, warm feeling that is making my heart beat faster.

“Yo, Dean!” Comes Benny’s loud voice. “Stop drooling over Jamie and get your ass here so we can rehearse a little!”

I try very hard not to flip him the bird but I reluctantly take my whiskey glass and make my way towards the stage.

All through rehearsal, my eyes never leave her. They follow her around, anxiously waiting for her to look back.

And she does.

Often.

Little by little people start walking in, the regulars and the newcomers.

And we play for them.

And we drink with them.

And it would be like every other night, had I not been feeling that tonight I am not playing for them, I’m playing for her.

The night goes by fast and the club is almost empty. A group of people sitting in the far corner is getting their check and old Carl is waving goodnight.

The boys are putting away their instruments and Ash is cleaning the counter top as Jamie is writing down tomorrow’s orders.

I linger behind because I want to walk her back to her apartment again tonight. I wish everyone would get out quickly so I could be alone with her. And sometimes when you want something very bad, the universe does indeed conspire so you will get it. In a matter of minutes, the boys have left, Bobby is in the back office and I’m still sitting at the piano bench, waiting.

She gets out from behind the bar and extends her arm again like she had done last night. I rush down from the small stage and take it and we head out the door, locking it behind us.

The winter nights have got warmer and spring is making its presence known, more boldly every day. We walk slowly towards the direction of her place without talking. Every few steps my gaze drifts upwards and I see the stars, twinkling and dancing over us. There’s even a full moon tonight, making the thickness of the dark sky brighter.

I let go of her hand and her steps falters for a second. I circle my arm around her shoulders and pull her towards me. I hold her tight, try to leave no space between us and I feel her relaxing into my embrace. She looks up at me and bending my head low I softly kiss her lips. She smiles under my kiss and we resume walking, a little faster this time until we reach the entrance of her apartment building.

She turns around so that she’s now completely facing me and standing on her tiptoes like she had done last night, she wraps her arms around me and kisses me. I feel something different in her kiss though. It’s more passionate, more demanding. Her teeth are biting me and her tongue is dancing against mine. I fist my hand at the nape of her neck and keep her lips on mine.

She moans and breaks the kiss, tilting her head to the left, granting me access to her frantically beating pulse. I lick a line along her jaw and move lower to her neck, sealing my mouth on the spot that her neck meets her shoulder. I gently bite and suck at that spot and her breathing becomes faster.

I feel her breasts as they move with every quick breath she takes, I taste her skin with every small bite, I hear her sweet moans and it’s driving me insane.

She places her palms on my chest and gently pushes me a few inches away. I feel panic surging through me because I wonder if I’ve gone too far. I wonder if I should have controlled myself better.

She looks at me, her lips half parted and the pupils of her eyes blown with lust and I’m almost sure that I haven’t gone too far.

“Will you come up?” She whispers.

“Do you really want me to?” I ask, not daring to believe what my ears have just heard.

“Yes. I don’t want to let my chance at happiness slip through my fingers. I don’t want to be old Carl.” She replies and pushes the door open, pulling me inside with her.

We take the elevator and the minute the doors close I feel that I’m already missing her lips. I turn around and pin both her arms above her head in one of mine. My mouth is desperately seeking hers and the minute I start kissing her I feel her surrendering herself to me. I place my thigh between her legs, supporting her and she begins a small undulating movement on it. Rubbing herself on my thigh, moaning against my mouth.

The ping from the elevator alerts us to the fact that we have reached her floor and the doors open to a well lit corridor. We’re both trying to compose ourselves and are thankful that there’s no one waiting on the other side of the elevator doors. Straightening our clothes we walk out, her leading the way, me behind her, taking this opportunity to adjust myself in my jeans.

We stop in front of an apartment with the number 703 on the door and she is quickly searching in her jacket pockets for the keys. I hear her softly cursing, something along the lines of ‘son of a bitch’ and she smiles at me when she finally fishes them out of her inside pocket.

Unlocking the door, she reaches inside and flips the lights that are next to the entrance. She walks in but I don’t follow her immediately. I stay by the door as if there’s an invisible obstacle in front of me. When she realizes that I haven’t followed her, she turns around and once again extends her arm for me to take.

“Welcome to my place, Dean.” She says the minute I take her hand and overcome that obstacle that has been keeping me back from enjoying my life.

From living.


	6. Second Chances, Ch.6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wonderful people, we have smut.   
> Sweet, beautiful smut.   
> There’s oral ( female receiving ), fingering, unprotected sex ( do NOT do it! ), heartwarming feels all around.

* * *

I walk behind her, still holding her hand and looking around. The place is almost dark apart from the small light that she flipped on when we entered and another one the other side of the living room. It’s a small lamp, sitting on a round table, pretty much like the ones we have at the club, casting a soft glow around it and showcasing a set of frames that are hanging on the wall above it. There are pictures of different places around the world and I can’t help but wonder if they are places she has visited or she just keeps them for decoration.

Next to the table is a plush armchair, a soft, fluffy blanket thrown carelessly on it. I can picture her sitting there, wrapped in the blanket, listening to her favorite music and drinking a cup of hot coffee. Opposite it, there’s a couch and another table on its left side, facing a tv that’s hanging on the wall.

I didn’t realize that I have stopped moving till I feel her tagging at my hand again, pulling me towards her.

“Do you want to stand there and look around, Dean?” She asks, snickering.

“I can totally picture you in here, Jamie. This place suits you very well. It’s small and warm and I feel very comfortable here.”

“Thank you. I know it’s not much but it’s my home.” She takes a deep breath and lets go of my hand. Moving a few steps away from me, she looks out of the small window and down to the city that is still going about its night time business oblivious to the problems that torment us humans.

“Do you know why I told you to walk me home last night? Why I asked you to come up tonight?” Her voice is barely above a whisper and her back is turned to me.

“No babe. I mean, I’m so happy that you did but I was kind of surprised to be honest. I still am.” I respond and I hope this isn’t going to end bad.

“It was Carl.” Her answer is fast and by her tone I know it’s incomplete. So, I wait for her to continue.

“When I heard him say all those things last night…? About lost chances? About not waiting around for new ones to come? It was like he was talking to me. Like he was talking about me.” I see her bend her head and by the movement of her shoulders, I realize that she’s crying. Edging closer, I stand behind her, not sure if I should hug her, talk to her or just stand there.

She turns around and buries her head in my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. I keep her close to me and wait for her to resume talking.

“But old Carl and his speech aren’t the only reason. I’m damaged goods, Dean. I’ve been through a lot in my life and if I was given the opportunity, I’d do a lot of things differently. I blamed myself for many things and I have been blamed by others. I’ve been trying to run away from my past and that’s the reason I’m here.” Her voice comes out muffled because her head is still resting on my chest but I don’t interrupt her.

“I’ve been punishing myself by not allowing anyone to come close to me. By not allowing myself to love or be loved. But when I heard Carl talking, I understood that even though my past has been crappy, it’s behind me and it’s gone. I can’t do anything to change it now. But what I can do is make my future better. I’m the only one who can do it.”

She pauses and raises her head to look at me. Her eyes are shining with the tears that are still locked in them and the minute she blinks they are set free. I quickly wipe them away with my thumb and open my mouth to speak, to reassure her that everything is going to be okay but she starts talking again.

“Carl was my wake up call. I don’t want to grow old and be alone, thinking about what I’ve let pass me by, thinking about how I may have wasted all the second chances.”

I kiss her forehead and my lips linger there for a few seconds before I pull back and give her a small smile. If only she knew how broken I am too. Maybe one day, I’ll tell her. But for now, all I say is : “Jamie, baby…I will do my best to help you find your second chance in life, in love. I will be here for as long as you need me because believe me… when it comes to broken people, I’m one of them.”

“Kiss me.” She says and those two little words hit me to my very core. It’s like they are the electric shock that I needed to come alive. I snake my arm around her and lift her up. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and her legs around my waist and clings on my body as our lips meet and begin a passionate dance.

Our kiss is fast, hungry, needy. It’s not soft and slow like it had been last night. This kiss is the clear indication of two people seeking fulfillment and release. She stops for just a second and pulls her head back, staring into my eyes.

She looks so beautiful.

Her lips are wet and swollen, her cheeks flustered and her eyes lust blown.

She’s breathing quickly and I can feel her breasts rubbing on my chest with every breath she takes.

“Again. Kiss me like that again.” She says and I follow her order like a faithful servant to her needs. 

As I crash my lips on hers again, I make my way to the couch and sit with her body still wrapped around mine. She straddles my legs and moves a little further up until she is almost grinding against my crotch. I grab her ass with one hand and squeeze while the other fists at the nape of her neck and turns her head to the right, breaking the kiss.

I lick along the side of her neck and suck at the tender spot where it meets her shoulder. I want to mark her skin, show everyone who sees it that this woman is mine. I suck a little harder and she moans.

It’s so sexy, so hot. That sound that leaves her mouth turns me on so much and my cock twitches inside my jeans and under her.

“Touch me, Dean. I want you to touch every inch of my body. With your hands…”she says and taking my hand, she places it on her breast. “… and with your mouth…” she leans in and kisses my lips.

I gently rub her nipple with my thumb and even over the material of her shirt I can clearly see it peak under my touch. She breaks the kiss and throws her head back as her hips continue grinding against me.

God, how I want her.

I want to feel her skin burn mine, I want to taste her and bury myself inside her. I want her to scream my name and look into my eyes as she comes.

But I also want to do this properly. Not on her living room couch like we’re a couple of horny teenagers.

“Baby…” I say and she looks at me, her lips half parted and her pupils dark with desire.

“Yes, Dean?”

“I want you so bad. I want to feel your skin burning mine. But not like this, babygirl. I want to take you to your bed, worship you like you deserve to be worshipped. Make love to you the right way and not on your couch. I want to do this right.”

She gets off my lap and smiling she starts walking towards the other side of the room, to what I understand is her bedroom. With every step she takes, she removes a piece of her clothes.

Her plaid shirt slowly falls off her shoulders and then her T-shirt. She raises it over her head and throws it behind her back. Pausing for a second, she looks back at me. I’m sitting on the couch, looking at her.

I’m mesmerized. 

I see her back and the back of her bra. The way the lace decorates her skin is so sexy, so beautiful.

Then she turns around and leaning against the bedroom door she undoes the button of her jeans and lowers the zipper. She is looking at me, her fingers hook at the loops of her pants as if she’s waiting for something.

As if she’s waiting for me to help her.

I quickly get off my spot and rush to her. Standing right in front of her, so close that I can feel the heat of her body warming mine, I lower my head and kiss her. It’s long and sweet, just savoring her taste.

Branding my lips with hers.

I hear her soft moan and pull away, staring at her. The minute my lips leave hers, I gently rub her lower one with my finger. She tries to wrap her arms around me but I take both of them and pin them above her head. I leave small kisses on her cheek, along the line of her jaw and on her neck. Her whole body reacts to me and she tilts her head to the left giving me better access. But instead of continuing my journey, I release her arms and sink to my knees right in front of her feet.

I slowly pull the jeans down her legs as I peek up at her. Her eyes are closed and she’s breathing fast. My hands travel all the way down her thighs and help her step out of the pants.

First one leg and then the other.

Her skin goosebumps under my fingers and I wonder how she would look pinned under me.

Will she moan?

Will she whine?

Will she scream?

I leave small kisses on her thighs and she grips my hair and pulls at it softly. The higher I go, the tighter her grip becomes. I brush her pussy with my nose and I can see how soaked her panties are. I know I want to taste her. See how she feels under my tongue. Make her come there first.

I smile and look up at her again and I see that she’s now staring at me too. Locking my eyes on hers, I lower her underwear. I let it fall around her ankles and she just steps out of it and tosses it on the side with a small kick.

The way she spreads her leg when she kicks the panties gives me a better look of her pussy and before she places her leg back down, I throw it over my shoulder, gaining access to her core.

I move closer and lick a straight line along her folds, opening her up for me. She moans loudly and spearing my tongue I slowly sink it inside her.

My eyes never leave hers and her eyes never leave mine and this whole thing is so erotic.

I’m on my knees in front of a woman.

A woman I need to worship so being on my knees is the perfect start.

My lips move higher up and I latch on to her clit, sucking it lightly as my fingers replace my tongue. I push them inside her dripping pussy and pump them a couple of times. I feel her legs shaking as she clenches around my fingers.

A few swipes of my tongue over her clit and the crooking of my fingers inside her send her over the edge. She comes chanting my name and I feel so good that I made her feel like that. I know that I’ll do that again and soon because the way she tastes is something words can’t describe.

She’s sweet and savory like a piece of candy or the sweetest pie one can ever have. I don’t think that the hunger she has stirred inside me will ever be sated.

I let her ride out her first orgasm and the minute I feel her grip on my hair become lighter, I get off my knees and swoop her up in my arms. I kiss her and I’m sure that she can taste herself on my lips.

“Mmmhhhmmm.” She licks her lips and no matter how happy I am that she feels so good, I also feel a little mad for not being able to control myself and at least have made it to the bed. Something in my face must have given my thoughts away and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s wrong, Dean?” She asks and she looks alarmed too. She wiggles her legs as a signal for me to put her down. She slowly slides down my body but I don’t let her out of my embrace even when her feet have touched the ground.

“I wanted so much to do this right but it seems that I can’t keep my hands off you, Jamie. We didn’t even make it to the bed.”

She let out a small giggle and said : “Well, if you haven’t noticed, I’m still almost naked and there’s a perfectly comfortable bed on the other side of this door.” She adds and turns the knob.

I smile at her and shake my head. I swoop her in my arms once again and enter the bedroom. There is a soft light illuminating the room, coming by a small lamp on the bedside table but I don’t care about looking around right now. I’m just happy that this little light exists so I will be able to see her.

I kneel on the bed on one knee and gently place her down. Her head is resting on the pillow and she puts her arm behind her head, looking at me. It’s as if she’s waiting for something.

I let my eyes roam over her body once more. From her beautiful, flushed face, over her collarbone and between the valley of her breasts which are still covered by her lacy bra. Then lower, over the dip of her belly, around her belly button and they linger on her pussy. Her taste is still on my lips and I lick them thinking how much I need more of that.

“Dean…?”

Her voice pulls me out of my daydream. “Yes, babe?” I answer.

“Are you gonna stand there, looking at me or are you gonna come closer?”

This is the second time she’s asked me that. I must look like a fool to say the least.

“I think I’ll go with the second choice.” I reply but she raises her finger and does a circular motion in the air.

“Uuumm, not like that you won’t. You’re way overdressed sir.”

I just love how easy she has made all this.

How natural it seems and how comfortable she feels around me. Like, she has known me from another time and this isn’t our first encounter.

I remove my sweater and my shirt and toe off my boots.

Her eyes follow every move my hands make and she’s now biting her lower lip, totally distracting me. I undo my jeans and slowly lower the zipper.

“You’re killing me here.” She whispers and extends her arm in an inviting gesture.

I pull my pants and my underwear off and climb in the bed with her. I’m hard and she sees it and a smirk appears on her face.

She circles her arms around my shoulders and she pulls me on top of her, spreading her legs so the lower part of my body can fit between them.

I support myself on my elbows and look down at her. She’s staring back at me, her hazel eyes sparkling, waiting for me.

I brush that persistent lock of hair that’s caught at the side of her neck and I kiss that spot, sucking gently between my lips. Her scent is intoxicating, her skin soft as cotton candy and I’m afraid that if I don’t stop soon there’s gonna be a mark there tomorrow. I don’t care about that because I want everyone to know that this girl is mine now but I also don’t know if that’s something she’s willing to accept.

So, reluctantly, I pull away and observe a light pink mark already forming there. I guess I was too late.

“What?” She asks when she sees me looking at that spot.

“I think you should wear a turtleneck to work tomorrow, because that’s one big mark forming there. I just couldn’t stop myself and I’m sorry babygirl.” I apologize but there’s also that hint of accomplishment in my tone.

“First off, I don’t own a turtleneck. But even if I did, I wouldn’t wear it. I’m yours, Dean. I don’t care who knows it. It’s like every shitty thing that has happened to me, happened so I could meet you. It’s like a force has been drawing me to you ever since that day I bumped into you outside the club. I can’t be anyone else’s, not now that I have met you.”

“Oh, baby…” I whisper and kiss her. I pour all my feelings into that kiss. Feelings that I’m sure by now are love, attraction, admiration. I kiss her lips, her cheek, the line of her jaw and her neck.

I lick along her collarbone and move lower between her breasts. She’s still wearing her bra so I slip the straps down her arms and she turns her body a little to help me reach the clasp. I undo it and throw it to the side.

I look at her again and this is the first time I notice a scar on her sternum. It’s not new but it’s not too old either.

“Ugly, huh?” She says.

“Nothing is ugly on you baby. You’re perfect.” I reply without needing to think about it because it’s true. I leave small kisses on it and then I look back up into her eyes.

“I need you inside me, Dean.”

Her soft order is like music to my ears and I feel her spreading her legs wider for me.

Supporting my weight on one arm, I guide myself at her entrance and start to slowly sink inside her.

Inch by inch I feel her stretching to take me. She’s biting down on her lower lip and I’m afraid I’m hurting her.

“Am I hurting you baby?” I ask and I stop moving.

She nods her head left and right and she wraps her legs around my waist, making everything easier for me.

“Don’t stop, please.”

I move deeper inside her until we are completely connected.

No inch of space between our bodies.

She’s wrapped around me and I’m buried in the heat of her body. And it feels so right. As if our bodies had been cut in half and are just now reunited.

Looking down at her, I kiss her again and wait for her to adjust.

“I’m ready, Dean.” She breathes and my name sounds so beautiful as it spills from her lips.

I pull out and push back in, keeping a steady rhythm so she can open up a little better for me. After a few gentle thrusts, I know she’s ready. I can feel how wet she is and I pick up the pace. I move faster and turn her body a little to the side, hitting her sweet spot over and over again.

She arches her back off the bed and starts meeting my moves. I see her fisting at the sheets and her breathing becomes faster.

And the image from that dream I had flash back into my head.

It’s like that but only better.

Her hair covering my pillow, her skin covered with a thin sheen of sweat, her lips half open moaning my name.

“Go faster, baby. I’m so close… Dean, please, don’t stop.” She begs and I can do nothing but what she asks. I keep moving and I feel her clenching around me.

“Come on, baby girl. Give it to me.” I whisper in her ear.

She utters my name over and over again as wave after wave of ecstasy is washing over her body. Her arms hold me tight and I’m covering her like a blanket.

“That’s it baby. Give it all to me.” I repeat.

“I want you to come too.” She orders and her voice is still shaking. I know she’s not done yet. I can feel her clamping around me and I can’t hold on anymore. “I need you to.” She adds and I just let go.

I come deep inside her and my orgasm meets hers. We are wrapped in each other, our bodies almost molded together, both enjoying the release they’ve been seeking for quite a while.

Time may have sped up or slowed down.

I don’t know.

For me the time to slowly pull out of her is when I feel her relaxing her arms from around my shoulders.

When her breathing returns to normal.

I turn on my left side and she turns to her right, burying her face in my chest. I pull her close, caging her in my embrace while I reach behind me and clumsily pull the side of the cover over our bodies.

She sighs a content sigh and kisses my chest.

“This felt so right, didn’t it?” She whispers against my skin and a small yawn is heard.

“It really did Jamie.” I reply but I’m not sure she’s heard me because her breathing has slowed down and I’m certain she has fallen asleep.

“I think I love you.” I murmur as I kiss the top of her head.


	7. Second Chances, Ch.7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sex and more specifically shower sex (it’s complicated, I know ), fluffy fluff to your hearts content but also a small premonition of bad things to come.

* * *

I open my eyes slowly, still not sure if the events of last night were real or if they were another dream. Her breath that is brushing my neck makes me realize that they weren’t.

Her head is on my shoulder, her body turned towards mine and her right leg is tangled with my own. Her arm is resting on my chest, rising and falling with each one of my breaths.

She’s here, in my arms.

It wasn’t a dream.

This woman welcomed me into her home, gave me her body, and I hope her heart.

Let me make her mine.

A smile spreads across my face and I slowly turn my head to look at her. She stirs with my motion and a small sigh escapes her lips. I immediately stop, not wanting to wake her up, not wanting to let her go.

I hear her sighing again and I feel the fluttering of her eyelashes against my skin.

I look down at her, she’s smiling and she’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Hair all tousled, lips parted, eyes shining and skin so warm.

“Mmmmmm, good morning Dean.” She hums and kisses my shoulder.

This all feels so right, so perfectly normal that I can’t help but wonder if I should feel a little scared. The last time something had gone so well, it had also ended in tragedy.

But now is not the time to think about that. I put my index finger under her chin, lift her face and kiss her as I murmur my goodmorning against her lips. She rubs her leg against mine and I instantly feel my cock twitching under the covers.

My god!

If she sees that, she might think that I’m an insatiable pervert or something. I just hope she doesn’t notice.

“Well, it really is a good morning, isn’t it?” She snickers and there goes my hope down the drain.

She tosses the covers off her and turns around, hanging her legs off the bed and stretching her arms out.

“I think, imma take a shower.” She says and stands up giving me a perfect view of her body. She’s walking towards the bathroom slowly, her hips swaying seductively. She opens the door and before she steps inside, she turns around and smiles at me.

“Would you like to join me?” She asks. “Provided, of course, we can do something about this situation you’re trying to hide.” She adds and disappears into the bathroom leaving me staring after her, open mouthed.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve blushed but I know my cheeks must be red right now. I feel like a little boy who was caught smoking, or worse, jerking off.

This woman is driving me insane in the best way possible.

It’s like her body is so attuned to mine and she knows exactly how everything she says and does will affect me.

She knows how my body will react to her words, to her touch, to her own body and that’s both weird and unique.

It’s both beautiful and strange.

“Deaaaan…” I hear her calling me from the bathroom. “It’s lonely in here.”

I toss the covers aside and follow the sound of her voice like those cartoons that follow the smell of pie resting on a window sill. But the minute I reach the door, I freeze. The image in front of me is so hot, so dreamy.

She’s standing under the shower, warm water running down her body, licking every line of it, caressing her skin.

I look at her, from the top of her head to the tip of her toes.

Her hair is wet and her hands are combing through it, slowly moving lower over her breasts and her nipples that are stiff under the current.

She spots me and her fingers linger a little bit more over them, her eyes never breaking contact with mine and she is biting her lower lip.

Her right hand moves over her stomach and then downwards over her pussy. She spreads her legs a little and the water runs between them as her fingers start drawing small circles on her clit.

She looks at me, her eyes burning a trail down to where my cock is standing at attention and this time there’s nothing I can use to hide it.

She smiles wickedly and she reaches out her hand to invite me in the shower with her.

I cover the couple of feet that are separating us in a fraction of a second and step under the current with her. I let the water run over both of us and I crash my lips on hers in a passionate, hungry kiss. She reaches out to hug me but I grab both her arms and pin them above her head, pushing her against the shower wall.

She moans against my lips, opening up, licking and biting mine.

I kiss her more urgently, more needingly as if my whole life depends on it, as if the oxygen in her lungs is the oxygen I have to use in order to keep breathing.

Peppering her cheeks with more kisses, I reach the shell of her ear and lick it, softly biting it.

“Do you know what you’re doing to me?” I whisper.

“I have a pretty good idea.” She replies and when I pull my head back a little, I see that same wicked smile decorating her lips again.

I keep her arms securely pinned above her with my hand and circling my arm around her waist, I give her a soft pull upwards urging her to wrap her legs around my waist. She does so and I push her a little more so she’s caged between my body and the shower wall.

“Let me touch you.” She begs and I release her arms immediately. She wraps them around my shoulders and clings onto me like a vine, her whole body wrapped around mine.

My cock is twitching under her, almost brushing at her entrance hard and hot and I don’t know how much longer I will be able to control myself.

“I need you inside me.” She orders and that’s the only thing I need to hear. I slide my hand between our bodies and brush my cock against her folds. She moves her hips downwards and I just push inside her. My thrusts are shallow at first, trying to work out the best angle but very quickly I find my rhythm and start a steady pounding inside her.

It’s fast, it’s hot, it’s sexual.

It’s about the need to fulfill a primal desire.

She holds on to me and very quickly I feel her clenching around me. She buries her face in the crook of my neck and she bites down, drowning her moans of ecstasy.

“No baby,” I say. “I need to see you. I need you to look at me when you come.”

She raises her head and her hazel eyes pierce into mine. Her pupils are blown, covering almost the entirety of the color. Her breath is coming out more quickly with each thrust of my hips inside her.

I give her a kiss, and I add : “Just give it to me babe.”

She comes hard on my cock, her release triggering mine. My movements falter for just a second and I stay buried deep inside her, holding on to her as tight as she’s holding on to me.

When I feel her relaxing in my arms, I know that she’s done. I slowly slip out of her and the minute her feet touch the shower floor I see my come dripping down her thighs. It’s such a hot image, like that’s the liquid mark that signifies her connection to me. It’s the symbol that she’s mine.

I kiss her again, a soft peck on her lower lip and I pull her directly under the shower stream.

Taking the shampoo from the small shelf I squeeze a small amount on my palms and rub them together creating a rich lather. I start massaging it into her hair, my finger rubbing slowly against her scalp. She moans in pleasure and she places her hands flat on the shower walls to steady herself. I rinse her hair thoroughly and then I proceed to washing her body.

Her shower gel smells like roses and I find it so fitting for her. It’s like the only purpose of the roses’ scent was to complement and enhance the scent of her skin. I use my hands again instead of the sponge and drop a generous amount of liquid in my palm.

I start from her shoulders, rubbing small circles on her skin, creating a bubbly, rose-scented foam. I move down her spine, feeling her skin prickle under my touch.

“Turn around baby girl.” I whisper in her ear.

She turns slowly and leans on the shower wall. She looks at me and she’s waiting. I start to gently knead her breasts, spreading the lather on them. Her nipples immediately react to my touch and stand at attention. I rub them with my palm and I cup her breasts from the side. My thumb toys with them, making them even stiffer and she arches her back pushing her body more towards me.

I smirk and I let my fingertips slide down the side of the body and rest on her hips.

“Turn around again for me.” I command and she complies without hesitation.

I massage the globes of her ass and she wiggles it a little. I spank her right cheek and she yelps in surprise but then she does it again.

The wiggling.

I have never spanked a woman, ever, but she’s so enticing, so hot that it’s like my hand reacted on instinct.

And I do it again, this time on the other side. She turns and looks at me over her shoulders, her eyes burning with desire again. I give her one last spank and kneel behind her, my palms rubbing the skin of her thighs and her calves. When I reach her ankles I move upwards again, this time on the inside of her legs till I reach her pussy.

She spreads her legs more and bends a little lower, giving me better access.

My index and middle finger slide along her folds in a steady motion.

With every slide, I let the tip of my middle finger sink inside her just a little.

“Are you trying to make me come again, Dean?” She asks, her voice deeper than usual.

“Would that be a bad thing, darling?” I say as I push my finger a little deeper this time.

“Mmmmmm, on the contrary. But if we don’t control ourselves we will never get out of the shower.”

She quickly turns around and kisses my cheek. She gets out grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body.

“Get cleaned up baby. I’ll be waiting in the bedroom.”

I lean against the wall, a smile on my face.

I feel that this woman has become the most important part of my life so quickly and so effortlessly. I knew that I would be falling for her since her very first days at the club. The attraction, the pull towards her were strong since that nightcap we shared, since I played the piano for her.

And when I kissed her… I was sure.

Last night was a dream come true. The way she responded to my touch, the way she called my name, the way she wrapped her body around mine.

She is the missing piece from my life’s puzzle. Fitting around my corners and my curves.

Belonging with me.

I shower very quickly and get out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my hips.

Walking in the bedroom, I see my clothes neatly arranged on the bed but she’s nowhere in sight. I very rarely wear the same clothes two days in a row, let alone the same underwear but in this case it’s either this or go commando and that’s something that’s uncomfortable to say the least.

So I get dressed quickly and make my way to the living room where I find her sitting in her armchair, looking out the window.

She’s like a painting made by an artist hopelessly in love. An artist who has chosen the most beautiful colors so everyone can see and feel the depth of his love.

I can’t tear my eyes away from her and I stand there in silence, not moving.

Just breathing.

She must have felt my presence because she turns her head and looks at me, smiling that sweet smile of hers.

“I thought about going out for breakfast. What do you think?”

“I’m on board babe. Maybe afterwards we can even go for a walk around the city before we get to the club.” I add and her eyes light up in excitement.

She gets up and grabs her jacket that’s thrown on the couch. She’s wearing black, leather tights, an oversized sweater and her black boots. She puts on the jacket and hands me mine too as she’s making her way towards the door, grabbing her keys and her beanie.

“Let’s go, Dean.”

We are sitting at a cozy little diner not far from her house looking out the big windows and sharing a plate of pancakes and bacon. Two cups of steamy coffee are tickling our noses and I think that I may have died and gone to heaven.

The pancakes are deliciously sweet and with every little bite she takes she makes a small appreciative moan. She’s enjoying her food and she’s not ashamed to show it.

I take a big bite of pancakes too and she’s holding a strip of bacon under my nose but when I open my mouth to bite it, she yanks it away and eats it. I’m laughing out loud and she is too, earning glances from the rest of the diner’s customers.

We finish off the plate and sip on our coffees looking at the passers by and making speculations about them.

Who they are, what they do, their dreams.

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close to my body and when she looks up at me, I kiss the tip of her nose.

She sighs contentedly and looks out the window again. We resume our game of wondering when I suddenly see her eyes widening and the smile freezing on her face. I follow her gaze and I see someone looking at us from the opposite sidewalk. Or at least I think he’s looking at us.

He’s a tall man and well-built, dressed in a long coat with the collar turned up. His hands are in his coat’s pockets and his head is bent a little low but the more I look at him the more I’m sure he is looking at us.

Jamie’s whole body has gone stiff and she looks as if she’s in a trance, as if her mind is traveling somewhere that isn’t very pleasant.

“Jamie…? Babe…?” I ask softly as I nudge on her shoulder. “Are you ok?”

She shakes her head like she’s trying to wake up from a bad dream and takes a deep breath.

“What? Uuuuhhmmm, yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” She stutters and I’m sure that this is the first lie that she’s telling me.

“Do you know that man?” I ask again and look across the street only to find that the man is now gone.

“I’m not sure. I don’t know.” She replies and just buries her face in my shoulder. I pull her even closer and kiss the top of her head. It’s obvious that whoever that man was or whoever she thought he was, he isn’t a good memory.

I want to know, but I also don’t want to push her into sharing something that she’s not ready to share.

“It’s ok baby. I’ve got you.” I whisper and just hold her.

I keep making stupid jokes to distract her, to lighten the mood, to take her mind away from everything that’s bothering her so we can finish our coffee and maybe forget what has just happened. She absentmindedly laughs at some of my jokes but I’m pretty sure that she hasn’t even heard them.

Her eyes keep turning across the street and every time they do, I see a shadow clouding them.

Fear?

Stress?

“I think it’s time to leave this place babe.” I say and I get up from my spot.

If we leave, she may forget all this. I leave the money for our breakfast on the table and I take her hand to guide her out of the diner.

She squeezes my hand and smiles at me, following me close behind.

When we get into the street, I hug her again and make her walk fast till we’ve turned the corner and left everything that has happened behind.

For now.

We roam around the streets, stopping at shop windows and I think that she may have forgotten what happened a little while ago.

The smile is back on her face, her body is relaxed against mine as I hold her close and I’m happy again.

I’m happy because she’s happy.

We pass outside fancy, expensive boutiques and she gasps in shock as she sees the price tag on a dress that is basically small pieces of cloth stitched together.

“What the hell is this? Who would wear this? Who would pay for this?” She says laughing loudly.

“I think you’d look hot in it, to be honest.” I reply and I mean every word.

“Yeah. You wouldn’t catch me wearing that even if I had the money to buy it.” She snickers and drags me away from there.

Moving along the street, we pass many different shops and we turn left choosing to leave the expensive shops behind and head towards the small flea market area.

The crowd is so different here and the shops are so much smaller. I can see her whole demeanor change and it’s clear that she prefers this part of the town than the one we were a few minutes before.

We pass stores with second hand clothes, old vinyl records and old books. She stops at almost all of them, checking everything out carefully.

“Do you ever wonder what the story is behind each of these items? What has happened to their previous owners? Why did they have to sell them?” The questions tumble out of her mouth quickly and her eyes are shining in excitement.

“I am now.” I answer.

We start walking again and I keep her closely tucked under my arm, the need to feel her body close to mine ever present. We pass outside an old antique shop and she abruptly stops in front of the window. She bends her whole body and looks closely at the small display of old jewelry.

“See anything you like, babe?” I ask, intrigued by what has her hooked so much.

“See this locket?” She says and points to a silver, heart shaped locket that’s sitting in the middle of the display on a red, velvet cushion. It looks like the kinds of lockets that open up and people have pictures of their loved ones inside. “My nana used to have one that looked just like this.”

I look at it closely too and I can see that the heart has a rose engraved on it. A small delicate rose.

“She used to keep a photo of me on the one side…” she goes on but stops mid sentence.

“What was on the other side?”

“What? Nothing. There was nothing on the other side.” She answers and straightens up.

“Let’s get inside.” I say and tag at her arm.

“Dean… no! What are you doing?” She starts protesting but I pull her in my arms and silence her with a kiss.

“Ssshhhh.” I whisper against her lips and tug at her arm again.

When we are in the shop, I ask the owner if I can see the locket. He is a perfect fit in his shop. Dressed in a tweed jacket and brown trousers with a small bow tie and round glasses, he looks like he’s more a ghost from another era than a real person.

His old fingers open the window and remove the locket from its velvety bed offering it to me. I take it and unclasp it, I slip it around Jamie’s neck. When it’s securely fastened, I turn her body around so she can see herself in a gold guilted, antique mirror. Her hand caresses the silver heart as it’s laying on her skin and she smiles at her reflection first and then at me as I’m standing behind her.

“Do you like it, darling?” I ask, my eyes never leaving hers in the reflection.

“It’s very beautiful, Dean.”

“How much is it?” I ask the owner who’s waiting patiently by the open display window.

“Your girl has a very good eye, young man. She spotted one of the most beautiful and expensive pieces in the shop.” He answered. “This piece is at 100 dollars.”

I see her eyes widen and she’s shaking her head signaling ‘no’.

“We’ll take it.” I reply and hand the man the money he asked without even thinking of bargaining.

I take her hand and lead her out of the store. The minute we are in the street, she wraps her arms around me and jumps on me, locking her legs around my waist and not giving a rat’s ass about the people who are staring at us. She kisses me, long and deep and I can do nothing but follow her lead.

I don’t know how much time has passed when I feel her unlocking her legs from around me and slide down my body.

“Thank you so much. This is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me. But you really shouldn’t have spent so much money on it.” She says, her eyes looking deep into mine.

I cup her cheek and she leans into my touch as my thumb caresses it softly.

“Baby, it’s only fair that I got you this heart to go with mine as you’ve already stolen it. This way, you get to have it close to you when I can’t be.”

“I always want you close,” she says, looking almost sad at the thought that I would go somewhere without her.

“I’m not going anywhere.”


	8. Second Chances, Ch. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, so much fluff but also a small shadow that darkens their love.

* * *

We stroll around the city like two people who have never seen it before.

And that’s how I really feel. Everything seems new, more beautiful, vibrant and alive.

It’s like this city that I’ve called my home for the past two years is completely new. The big, tall buildings that always looked grey and dull are now shiny and attractive. The streets that always annoyed me because of the crowd now look alive, like a small beehive. People buzzing around, their voices sounding like a sweet melody.

And all that because she is now in my life. 

We keep gazing at the small stores till the street opens up and we get out into the big avenue again. She has not let go of my hand, her fingers intertwined with mine, creating an amazing knot that I don’t ever wanna see broken.

Walking down the busy sidewalk, we stop at a hot dog vendor. The image of the delicious hot dogs makes our stomachs growl in protest and we both look at each other knowingly.

“I’ll have one with everything.” She says and I smile down at her. “What…? I’m famished.” She adds and gently jabs at my ribs.

“I’ll have the same.” I say to the hot dog dude who is looking at us and smiling too.

While we’re waiting, I see her caressing the silver heart that is hanging around her neck, her fingers lightly brushing over it.

“There ya go.” Says the vendor and hands her the hot dog first and then one to me. “You better hold on to this one, dude.” He says. “A woman who appreciates good food and isn’t afraid to show it, is a woman you must keep.”

“I fully intend to, man.” I say and hand him the money plus a generous tip.

We decide to eat near the small lake that’s in the nearby park so we are making our way towards it very quickly as our stomachs haven’t stopped protesting.

We find a spot, under the shade of a big oak tree that’s very close to the lake and we sit under it, on the soft grass. We sit side by side, our shoulders brushing against each other, both leaning against the tree trunk.

We dig into our food and once again I can’t help but notice and admire how she enjoys it. Women these days are so stressed about eating, about gaining a few pounds over what is considered ‘the new normal’ that they simply refuse to enjoy one of the most beautiful things on earth.

Food.

They keep counting calories and following this diet and that diet that they just lose the whole point. That eating is a form of pleasure and as long as people don’t overdo it, they should be allowed to eat whatever they want and not feel restricted by the latest trends.

But not her.

She really, really likes eating and she isn’t shy to show it. The small appreciative moans that escape her, the way her tongue darts out of her mouth to lick at that drop of ketchup that’s lingering on the side of her mouth, how she seems to be in a dream the way her eyes are half closed.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” She giggles and literally wakes me from my daydreaming. I realize that I’ve only taken one bite of my food and I snort as I take a big bite out of the hot dog.

“I’m waiting for you to finish inhaling your food and I will.” I say and wink at her.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.” I reply and look her straight in her eyes.

She places the last piece of her food in her mouth and swallows quickly as she turns around and straddles me at the hips. I drop my hot dog next to me and wrap my arms around her waist. Moving her face closer to mine she whispers against my lips : “Make me.”

I crash my lips on hers and kiss her deeply, demandingly. My tongue dances against hers, licking and tasting her, biting her softly. I feel her slipping a little higher up on my lap as she circles her arms around my neck, her fingertips playing with my hair. Her hips are grinding on me but it’s a subtle, shallow grind as if the only purpose of it is to turn me on and not let anyone around us actually see it.

I cup her butt and squeeze it and it’s her turn to bite my lips and smile.

“Mmmmm, good job sir.” She sighs and pulls back, inhaling deeply.

“I think so too.” I agree. “And now… for that photo we were talking about…”

I pull my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and help her get off my lap. The minute the screen lights up, I see that I have several missed calls from Sam. He must have been worried about me not getting back to the apartment. I make a mental note to call him as soon as possible but not now.

Definitely not now.

She sits next to me and I hug her, pulling her towards me so her head is almost on my chest. I flip on my camera and before I take our selfie, I look at her through the screen. Her cheeks are dusted scarlet, her eyes are sparkling like that first day she had bumped into me and her lips are beautifully swollen by the exchange of our passionate kiss. She’s smiling and the way the sun is shining through the tree’s branches is giving me the perfect light.

I press the button and capture her beauty both on my camera and in my heart.

We sit under the tree, enjoying the gentle rustle of the leaves. I hold her in my arms, playing with her hair and kissing the top of her head from time to time. We don’t talk, we just sit there relishing each other’s company and warmth.

“Jamie…?” I hum, breaking the bubble of our silence.

“Hhhmm?”

“I just want you to know that you can trust me. With anything. I promise I will never hurt you and I will be here for you for as long as you need me. For as long as you will have me in your life.” I start and I don’t even comprehend what has brought this small confession on. The only thing I do know is that I want her to understand how I feel.

She turns her head up and stares at me.

“I know, Dean. I’ve known since the first time I talked to you. Since that night we shared our first nightcap. You were the reason I stayed behind that night. You have no idea how much I had struggled with myself in order to take that first step and sit with you and the guys. And although all of them are very good and sweet and all, I knew it was you I wanted to be with.” She says, never breaking eye contact.

“And somewhere along the way, there will come a time when I tell you all the ugly parts of my life because you need to know. You need to know the baggage I’m carrying. And then, you will be the one who will need to decide if you wanna be with me, if you want to stay.”

“Baby, I have baggage too, never doubt that for a second. I will listen to you, any time you wanna talk to me, about anything. So, promise me that when you feel the need to talk, you will come to me.”

“I promise.” She says and tangles her little pinky with mine. I raise it to my lips and kiss it, giving a reassuring smile.

Whatever it is that she’s carrying, I can take it, I’m sure.

‘Time passes quickly when you’re having fun’ people say and I have just realized exactly what it means. The sun is still shining but less brightly now. Noon has rolled into afternoon and it’s time for us to make our way to the club. I check my phone and see that it’s a little after four.

“Babe, we need to head to the club.” I say to her.

“Ugh…” she softly protests. “Why can’t time just stop in times like these? It’s so beautiful. I’m in your arms, the sun is slowly traveling to the west…why can’t we stay here and watch the stars come up? Gaze at the moon? Not move at all?”

I get up and pull her to her feet too.

“Because babygirl, we really need to get to work. And if you feel bad, just remind yourself that had it not been for this job, we wouldn’t have met. So I, for one, am grateful for it.”

She pouts and she’s the most adorable thing ever. I kiss her pouting lip and drag her behind me as she keeps fake protesting.

It takes us about a quarter of an hour to get to the club. Before we reach it though, I stop her. She looks questioningly at me, waiting for me to explain why we have stopped walking.

“Jamie, are you sure you want us to go in together?” I inquire, bending my knees a little so I can be on the same level as her.

“What do you mean?” She says and she looks genuinely puzzled.

“I thought that maybe you don’t want the rest of the people in the club to know about us. Being too early and all… I don’t know babe. I’m just looking out for you, I guess.”

She cups my face in her hands and kisses my nose.

“You’re silly, Dean. I want the whole world to know about us. So, put your hand in mine,” she says as she grabs my hand, “and let’s go.”

We cover the last few feet to the club hand in hand and when we reach the door I take one last look at her before I push it open. She nods her head and I open it, the little bell above us chimes and alerts Benny and Ash to our presence. They both turn and look at us, their eyes staying on our joined hands for a few seconds.

Ash extends his palm to Benny who reaches inside his pocket and produces a twenty dollar bill and slaps it into his hand.

“Told ya.”

He laughs and winks at him and Kevin who is having the time of his life, observing this whole discussion.

We move closer to them and I ask Benny what was all this about. He explains that ever since that first shared nightcap there has been a bet running, a wager on how fast me and Jamie would be together. My forehead furrows and I am about to shout at both of them when I turn and look at Jamie who is trying to stifle a giggle.

“You’re ok with this?” I ask, stunned.

She shrugs and giggles. “Sure, why not? I mean the guys were clever enough to try and make money out of a sure thing. They knew what we know. I probably would have done the same thing, to be honest.”

I keep staring at her, flabbergasted till she releases my hand and sashays towards the bar saying : “Come on, Dean. We have work to do.”

Before I get the chance to say anything Sam enters the club looking worried. The minute he spots me, I can see the worry transform into anger as he’s taking huge steps towards me.

“What the fuck, dude?” He says through gritted teeth. “Where the hell have you been. I must have called a million times. After a point I thought I’d just hear about you in the news. ‘Body found dumped in an alley’.” he adds moving his hands in a ‘look at the headline’ gesture.

“Sorry, man. You’re right but I’ve been a little busy. I so meant to call you but I lost track of time and when I saw your calls this morning… I was kinda busy again…” I say and I feel a little bad.

Ever since we were kids, Sam had always been protective of me. He was and is the brother I never had.

“Yeah, Sam. He has been kinda busy.” Ash says, a silly smile on his face. When Sam turns to look at him, Ash points towards Jamie with his head and then towards me, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Really…?” He asks.

“Yeah, Sam. Really.” I hear Jamie’s confirmation from behind the bar and I’m so proud of my girl.

My girl.

He searches his pockets and finding two tens he hands them to Benny.

“You too, man?” I say, rolling my eyes so hard that I’m afraid they are going to disappear somewhere in there.

“Weeeellll…” he says, shrugging.

We all start laughing and Bobby emerges from the back office to check what the fuss is all about. Ash, in his usual tone and endless eyebrow wiggling explains everything and I’m holding my breath to see if he’s gonna hand over money to anyone.

“About time, ya idjits!” He snickers and I feel relieved that he hasn’t been aware of the bet everyone had going on. “Should have listened to Benny and taken up that bet. Could have made myself some money outta you two!”

The crowd starts shuffling in as the time passes. I’m so glad to see old Carl in his usual spot at the end of the bar. I wanna tell him that because of him, I’m living my second chance.

And I’m going to.

I’ll just have to wait till my break.

Me and the boys play our usual set list. Happy songs, sad songs, songs that make people reminisce and maybe songs that give them hope for the future.

My fingers dance on the white and black keys more lightly than the previous times and my eyes can’t stop looking at her. Working behind the bar, singing along the songs we play, dancing and not walking.

She’s happy, like I am.

She looks so alive, so beautiful.

That ray of hope and love is mine.

Mine.

And I will never let anyone or anything hurt her.

EVER.

When it’s time for my break, I place the cover on the keys and getting off the stage I head towards the bar. People are clapping as I pass them by and I say my ‘thank you’s’ feeling once again happy that I can give them an outlet in their busy and stressful lives.

I stand next to old Carl and pat him gently on the back.

“Hey, piano man.” He retorts and smiles a broad smile at me.

“Jamie, baby. Get Carl here a drink and please pour me another glass of whiskey.”

“Right away, Dean.” She says and busies herself with making the drinks.

When Jamie places our drinks in front of us, I get the chance to take her hand in mine and kiss it. I clearly see her skin goosebump and she smiles before she moves away to tend to her work.

“I wanna thank you Carl. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you.” I begin and that earns me a puzzled look from him. “You see, last night…? When you said all those things about not letting our second chances slip through our fingers…? She listened. She gave me my second chance. She is my second chance, Carl.”

A lopsided but also kinda sad smile appears on his lips and his shoulders straighten. He waves his arm for Jamie to come closer and when she does, he takes her hand and mine and places them on the counter, keeping them joined under his.

“Listen to me, kids. When I was about your age, I fell head over heels for a girl. She was beautiful, smart, funny. Pretty much like this lovely lady here.” He says, pointing at Jamie. “It was the first time I’ve been in love and like everybody in this situation, everything was turned up to the max. My love, my adoration… my jealousy. She loved me so much that she put up with my jealous fits and my pressure. She understood that I did everything out of love and never complained. But one day and due to a ridiculous misunderstanding, I accused her of some terrible things and broke up with her.”

He lowers his head and shakes it, obviously still hurting from that memory. “I never gave her a chance to explain. I was so blinded by my jealousy. When after some days, I found out the truth, I felt so bad and tried to reach out to her, to apologise. She accepted my apology but she didn’t forgive me. I lost her. I lost the first woman I ever loved. There was no other after her. So, kids…” he says and pats our still joined hands, “… love each other, believe in each other, trust each other. And for the love of everything that’s holy, don’t let go.”

Once again, Carl leaves me speechless. His words, his confession, his advice resonate through me. He’s a man who has obviously been suffering for many years because of his mistake and he just wants to see that the people around him don’t repeat that.

I pat his back once more and turn to look at Jamie.

I see tears rolling down her cheeks. Tears she quickly wipes away and that smile that she uses on customers appears on her lips.

She squeezes my hand and I wink at her.

I hear Kevin’s drums and I know that I have to head back on stage. I leave Carl and Jamie and walk towards my piano, once again replaying in my head Carl’s words.

No.

I would never do that to Jamie. I would never not trust her. I’m certain that if anything is ever going to be wrong, she will come to me. She will tell me about it.

I’m willing to bet my life that she will.

Just because it went south for Carl, that doesn’t mean that it will go south for everyone.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

What am I even thinking?

I shake my head like the motion is going to erase my last thoughts and placing my sheet music on the piano, I start playing again. I let myself get lost in the songs, in the notes, in her eyes every time I look at her and find her staring too.

I am in love.

Deeply.

Madly.

I love her and I want to tell her. But I also don’t wanna scare her although she has proven that she’s not easily afraid.

It has to be perfect, though. Like our first kiss in the rain.

I have to wait.

Little by little the customers are leaving and I have been so lost in my thoughts that I have barely registered the time. It’s almost three and for a Wednesday it’s considerably late. The place is soon completely empty and I stop playing. The rest of the boys are putting away their instruments too and gather around one of the tables for the customary nightcap. Jamie quickly cleans the bar and joins us, taking the seat right next to me that the boys have left empty for her. Her fingers tangle in mine and I look adoringly at her.

The boys all exchange glances and I know that they are happy for us. Especially Sam who has known everything I’ve been through. We share our drink, talking about the usual things that have happened tonight and when we are done we each take our glass and place it in the sink behind the bar. They will be washed tomorrow.

When the rest of the band members have left, I wait for Jamie to switch off the lights and we both step outside. I lock the door and look at her, anxiously wait for an invitation from her.

She zips her jacket, puts on her beanie and starts walking in the direction of her apartment. I watch her but I don’t move from my spot. When she realizes that I’m not following her, she stops and turns around.

“What are you doing?” She asks and tilts her head to the right.

“Waiting.” I reply.

“What for?”

“An invitation, baby.”

I see a silhouette of a person seemingly hiding in a darkened doorway but Jamie is walking back to me with the warmest smile that I forget it almost instantly.

It’s probably just a homeless person seeking some sort of shelter for the night.

“You don’t need an invitation, Dean.”

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her warmly.


	9. Second Chances, Ch. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, loss of a loved one, smudges of depression, descriptions of sexual assault, physical assault, new beginnings, fluff, romantic love, Dean being an absolute sweetheart, smuff.

* * *

My feet carry me towards the direction of her apartment like that is the only logical destination. I keep her safely tucked under my arm and I hear her sweet voice talk but I can’t concentrate enough to understand what she’s saying.

That dark silhouette outside the club has irked me. I can’t shake the feeling it’s the same person who was watching us this morning at the cafe.

I turn my head back to check if maybe it’s following us, hidden in the shadows but I can’t see anymore as we have rounded the corner and walked into a different small road.

“You’re not listening to me,” She says and stops walking. “Is everything ok, Dean?”

I don’t want to spoil the mood or focus on something that could be complete bullshit so I brush the thought away for now and bend my head to kiss the tip of her nose.

“What…? No, no… everything is ok baby. I was trying to remember if I locked the back door of the club and I spaced out there for a sec.”

I hate lying to her, even such a small, white lie but I don’t want her to be worried or scared. The look on her face from this morning comes back into my head and I’m sure that I’m doing the right thing. She looked so scared, terrified even. I’d really love to know what has happened to her and who she thought that person might be and I hope that one day she will feel that she can trust me enough to share that information with me.

“It’s locked, babe. Don’t worry,” She assures me.

We keep walking, the cobblestone road that leads to her place feeling more familiar with every step we take. There’s the small flower shop on the left and next we’ll see the mini market with the colorful window and the magazines that are hanging from strings of ropes across it, held by big plastic clothespins.

It’s only the third time I’m walking this road and I feel like I’ve been walking it for years.

There’s the street lamp with the flickering light and a few feet further down the part of the cobblestone that’s been cracked and wobbles if I step on it.

And we’re at her home.

We’re home.

She opens the door and then it’s the slow torture of the elevator as it pings away one floor at a time.

I haven’t let her out of my embrace, the need to keep her close growing greater by the minute. When we’re outside her apartment she pats her pockets for the keys and finding them, she opens the door and lets me walk in first. She follows close behind me and closes the door with a soft click.

Shedding her jacket and her beanie, she tosses them on the armchair and heads towards the bedroom.

_You don’t need an invitation_

Her words echo in my ears and I edge towards her. When we are both in the bedroom she turns around and stands in front of me, just a few inches of space between us. She looks up at me and biting her lower lip she whispers, “Make love to me.”

I reach out and touch her cheek, slowly pulling her closer. I bend my knees and kiss her softly feeling her opening up to the gentle brushing of my lips over hers. My hand slips from her face and caresses the curve of her shoulder, digs under the material of her plaid and pulls it off of her. She does the same to me and for the next few minutes she’s mirroring my own movements, undressing me like I’m undressing her. The soft lamplight is playing a game of light and shadow on her body, caressing every curve, licking along every line, kissing every inch of her.

“God, you are so beautiful.” I breathe and I can only feel lucky for being in the same room with her, share the same air, look at her.

She smiles shyly and bats her long eyelashes at me and taking my hand, moves closer to the bed.

We are laying on the bed, me on my right side, her on her left, facing each other. I can’t stop staring at her. Her eyes are closed and I’m not sure if she’s asleep or not. I could very well look like a creep watching her if she’s indeed asleep but I don’t care. Her face is so relaxed and her lips are half parted, still beautifully swollen.

Her cheeks are dusted scarlet and her soft skin is shimmering with a thin sheen of sweat.

Making love to that woman is the ultimate form of pleasure. The way she moans my name… the way she bites her lip when she’s close to coming… the way she writhes under my touch…

She’s perfect.

My eyes roam a little lower and I see the scar between her breasts again. I wish I knew what happened to her.

Accident?

Sickness?

I hate every possibility because it would mean that at some point in her life she must have suffered. She must have been in pain. And that is something that I don’t wanna think about.

My baby shouldn’t have gone through any kind of pain.

“Perv.” I hear her whispering.

“Thought you were sleeping, babygirl,” I reply and pull her even closer to me, kissing the tip of her nose.

“Perv.” She repeats and smiles, opening her eyes.

She sighs and taking my hand she places on her chest, just above her scar. She looks up at me and she starts talking as if she had magically read my thoughts.

“I had been suffering from arrhythmia ever since I was a child. Problem is my parents weren’t really the careful type and didn’t find out about it until I was about 17. They always believed that I was tired or my heart was like that because I loved exercising. Deep down I had always known that there was something wrong with me. I had tried and tried talking to them, telling them that it wasn’t normal for a kid my age to feel so tired and have chest pains.

They never listened.

That was until senior year in high school. I wanted to take part in the school games and they needed a doctor’s certificate to let me participate. That was the first time they had actually listened to me and taken me to the doctor.

He told us that I was pretty lucky not to have had more serious complications from my condition and scolded my parents for not having taken more immediate action. He basically told them that unless I got on a heart transplant list very soon, things would go south pretty fast. So, he put me on the transplant list and told us to just wait for the right donor. I should be very careful though and stop exercising completely.”

She stops talking and I can see clearly that the memories of that part of her life must not have been very pleasurable. A deep line has formed across her forehead and her eyes are dark, clouded.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I mean, what kind of parent dismisses their kid so carelessly? What kind of parent doesn’t listen to their child when they tell them that there is something wrong with them?

What parent doesn’t believe their child?

I kiss her again and wait for her to resume talking.

“After the diagnosis, I wasn’t allowed to participate in any activities and that took a toll on me. Plus, I knew that my parents wouldn’t be able to afford the expenses of such a surgery. I mean, they had some money but it wasn’t enough.

That was when I decided to start babysitting for our neighbors. They had twins and they were adorable. I loved watching them play in the garden and when I learnt that they really needed someone to help them, I talked to my parents and got the job. They really just needed someone to be with their kids, feed them and put them to bed so I worked for a few hours at noon and a few more in the evening. Their parents had alternating schedules and they basically needed me to fill in for them in the few hours neither of them was at home. Both children were very good and quiet so I wasn’t really putting any strain on myself.

Of course the babysitting money wasn’t that much but in my mind, I was doing my part in helping my parents find the money for my surgery.

So, I started babysitting…”

The dark clouds in her eyes have got darker and I can see her losing focus. It’s like despite the good memories she had with the kids, there was also something else hidden behind that story.

I lightly brush my thumb over her cheek and I see her focusing her eyes back on me.

“You wanna tell me what happened then, love?” I ask hesitantly without wanting to push her into disclosing more than she wants to.

She shakes her head as if to clear her head and nods ‘yes’ but she doesn’t resume talking immediately. Instead, she takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out.

“The kids were adorable and I loved them so much. They always hugged me and drew cute pictures of us playing or sitting in the garden. In spring they used to pick flowers and make small bouquets for me.

Kate, their mom, was so glad they had found me because she saw that her kids were happy with me. Many times she used to give me some extra money just to show her appreciation or she brought me small gifts. She had even offered to chip in for my surgery when the time came. She said that she had talked about it with her husband and they wanted to help as much as they could.

She was a lovely woman but she was also so oblivious to what was happening in her own house.”

She stops again and her full lips are now drawn into a tight, thin line. I can feel her body becoming smaller as she tucks herself closer to me, almost turning into a ball. I’m really confused and I don’t know if I should talk or stay silent. But even if I spoke, I don’t really know what to say. So, I pull her even closer, cage her in my arms in my effort to protect her from whatever seems to be haunting her.

“At first it was a casual brush of my hair off my shoulder. Then his hand that would rest a little lower on my back. I wasn’t sure if the things he did were bad or not. I mean, I had never found myself in a situation like that before and I just wanted to believe that he was being kind and protective. How stupid was I, huh?”

The bitter snicker that leaves her lips is almost deafening in my ears. My mind has concluded where her story is going but I don’t want to admit it or accept it as a possibility. I just kiss the top of her head and wait.

“One day, after I had put the twins down for their nap, I was in the kitchen making myself a cup of tea. I wasn’t aware that he was home. I had my back towards the kitchen door and I didn’t hear him come into the room. I felt his arms caging me between his body and the kitchen counter. I was so shocked and scared that I dropped my coffee mug on the floor. He pushed himself against my back and I remember feeling his dick brushing against my back. He pulled my hair back and whispered in my ear that I was so beautiful, so young and that he wanted to be closer to me and protect me. And the more he talked, the more he pushed against me. After he had finished talking, he said that I should clean the mess up and go home because he wouldn’t be needing me for the day.

I can remember running home faster than I had ever run in my entire life. When my mom saw me, she asked what was wrong. I wasn’t sure if I should talk to her but deep inside I knew that what he had done, what he had implied was wrong.

So, I told her.”

She stops again and I can feel her chest rising and falling quickly. I know she’s trying to stop herself from crying, trying to control herself, pretty much like I’m trying to control myself.

I don’t want to believe that she has gone through something like what she’s just described.

I don’t want to believe that someone would be so disgusting as to take advantage of her. I feel the blood rush to my face but I clench my fists and try to be there for her without making her feel worse than she does.

I kiss the top of her head again and say, “That’s ok, my love. I’ve got you now. You don’t have to do this.”

“No, I do.” She says. “I want you to know everything about me.”

She takes another deep breath and resumes talking.

“When I told my mom what had happened she just looked at me. Her eyes were completely empty of any emotion. She hadn’t reached out to hug me, comfort me, tell me that she would solve this. After a few silent moments she had asked me if maybe I had been mistaken and that maybe he had been trying to show me how much he cared. She explained that sometimes men would show how much they cared in a way that could be misinterpreted. And she had topped it all off by reminding me that he had offered to help pay for my surgery.

I remember staring at her open-mouthed. From all the things I had said, the money was the only thing that had stuck with her. So, she practically told me that I was mistaken and that I should continue my job the way I did because obviously it was me who had been in the wrong.”

I don’t think I have hated a human being more than I hate her mother right now. I don’t know how it’s even possible to hate someone you’ve never met but here we are. That woman had deliberately exposed her daughter to danger for the sake of money. Granted, the money would be used for her, if that sleazeball was to be trusted but, God! Sending your kid back into the lion’s den?

What kind of mother?

No.

What kind of person does that?

“A couple of weeks went by,” she continues and I’m thankful for the fact that she doesn’t look in my face right now because I’m enraged. “… and he didn’t do or say anything else. He was very careful to keep his distance from me and he was never alone with me in a room. So much so that I had begun to doubt myself. So much so, that I thought that my mother could have been right. But…” she paused and I know that she is crying. Her chest is heaving and I can feel her tears fall on my skin.

It is a silent cry, the kind that if it had volume, if it could be heard, it would be a deafening scream, a heart wrenching wail.

“… it was a Saturday and Kate was out with the twins. She had asked me to stay behind and just put the kid’s clothes in their closets. I was in their room when I heard the door close so I looked towards it to see if it was the wind or something. He was standing there, leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest, looking at me in the most disgusting way. I told him that I was almost done with the clothes and was about to leave.

His eyes were blurry and he kept coming towards me. I backed up till there was nowhere to go. My back hit the wall and he placed his hands on either side of my head. His breath smelt of whiskey. That smell invaded my nostrils as it fanned over my face. He bent his head and whispered lewd things in my ear. How he wanted me, how he couldn’t stop thinking about me. His hands had started groping my breasts, kneading them painfully.”

She is struggling with this and I know it. I’m struggling with it but maybe what she’s doing is cathartic. Maybe she wants to get everything off her chest so she can heal. I squeeze her as tightly as I can in an effort to show her that I’m here for her. That I will never let anything happen to her.

“He ripped my t-shirt in half and reaching under my skirt, ripped my underwear too. I tried to push him away but he pinned my arms above my head and shoved his leg between mine. I couldn’t scream. I don’t know why I couldn’t scream, Dean. If I had screamed, maybe someone would have listened. If I had screamed, this wouldn’t have happened to me. But I couldn’t.

I was just begging him to stop. The more I begged, the more excited he became. He said that I was a little slut who just wanted a big man like him to fuck her. That as long as I’d let him do whatever he wanted to me, I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I felt him trying to push inside me and I begged him not to do it.

I told him that hadn’t had sex before. I told him that I was a virgin. But instead of stopping him, that spurred him on. He kept leaving sloppy kisses along my jaw and down my throat, saying that I was so lucky to have him as my first. He pushed inside me as he was holding me against the wall.”

I can’t believe what she’s telling me.

I don’t want to think that she went through something like that.

I don’t want to think, period.

I wish I could find that motherfucker. The only thing that would remain if I found him would be a bloody pulp.

The idea that the woman I love had been with someone else before me had been torturing me enough already. The thought that someone else had touched her, kissed her, made love to her.

But thinking that a maggot, a sleazeball had touched her without her consent is enough to make me want to skin that person alive and feed him to the dogs.

“Dean?” She asks, looking up at me.

Her face is streaked with her tears, her eyes red and worried.

“Yes, my love.” I answer and wipe the tears from her cheeks.

“Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes, babe. If that’s what you want to do, I’m here to listen.”

“I do. I want to get everything off my chest. I want you to know.”

“Tell me then.”

“It couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes. But to me, it seemed that it had been going on for hours. After he was done, he released my arms and I fell on the floor like a puppet that had its strings cut. He looked at me and told me that I was a lying little bitch, that I hadn’t been a virgin. When I looked up at him he just stated that there wasn’t any blood on his dick. He tucked himself back in his pants and warned me that if I ever spoke about this to anyone, he would make sure that everyone knew I was a slut who had made a pass at him and that it was him who had turned me down.

I don’t remember much after that.

I don’t remember how I got home.

What I do remember is scrubbing my skin in the shower till it felt raw. I remember crying into my pillow and wishing that all that was just a nightmare I was gonna wake up from soon.

I didn’t talk to anyone about it like he said. I was afraid that people would believe him over me. So, it kept happening.

Over and over again.

After a point it was like it wasn’t me who was getting abused. It was like it was someone else and I was a bystander, a spectator to another person’s suffering. Every time he touched me, my body went numb and my mind shut down. This went on for about two years.”

“How did you get out?” I ask quietly.

“I guess a higher power thought that after a point I had had enough. My father received an unexpected sum of money from one of his relatives who passed away. That money came at the same time we were notified that a donor had been found and I could have the surgery. I had the surgery about two, two and a half years ago. I never learnt anything about the donor. Just that she was a girl about my age who had died from pneumonia, I think.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that girl. Because she was the one that saved me. She didn’t only save my health. She saved my life.”

“Isn’t that that the same, babygirl?”

“No. Because, after everything was done, when I had recovered and was healthy and strong, I went to Kate and told her everything that had happened. I told her what her husband had done to me. What he had been doing to me for almost two years. And then I told my parents. I told them what a lousy job they had done protecting me and how worthless they had been. Never supporting me, never believing me, never believing _in_ me. I told them that I had spent almost five years of my life blaming myself for being abused, for being raped because I knew that my own parents had been incapable of protecting me.

After all that, I just packed up my stuff and left. I’ve been on my own ever since. Later on, I learnt that Kate had divorced Cole, that was his name, and she had taken the kids and left. His business had gone down the drain too.

Now that I look back on everything, I know that there’s a part of me that’s always gonna bleed. But I also know that because I went through all that, I now have you.”

“You’re the strongest woman I have ever met and I’m proud and honored that you are with me Jamie.”

I can’t find the words that would accurately and adequately express my feelings, so I just kiss her.

Slow and sweet.

I make love to her in the slowest and sweetest way. I touch her gently and lightly, brushing my fingertips over her skin, caressing every inch of her. I bury myself inside her and watch her face when she comes.

And after she’s done, I hold her in my arms.

No talking.

No nothing.

I just hold her.


	10. Second Chances, Ch. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More disclosures regarding a troubled past, fear of losing someone you love, sweet fluff, angst and the beginning of more pain.

I can feel the exact moment she drifts off to sleep. I feel her relax in my embrace, her breathing becoming slower, more even and that line between her eyebrows disappears.

My thumb, absentmindedly, keeps softly rubbing her shoulder and I take a deep breath as I look at her. I watch her sleep and it’s like I see her for the first time. Everything she has disclosed to me, every word that has left her lips is like a punch to my stomach.

I close my eyes and I hear our whole discussion play back in my head.

_Deep down I had always known that there was something wrong with me._

_So, I started babysitting…”_

_He pulled my hair back and whispered in my ear that I was so beautiful, so young and that he wanted to be closer to me and protect me._

My thumb stops moving on her soft skin and my jaw clenches as I try to imagine how my baby felt. How neglected she must have felt by her own parents, how much she must have suffered because she thought that all these could possibly have been her fault.

And then the whole incident that I couldn’t even begin to understand how she managed to survive. Once again I realize that the woman sleeping soundly in my arms is a very, very strong woman.

A woman that I will never let anything bad happen to her ever again.

A woman I will protect from anyone that would even dare to look at her the wrong way.

All these thoughts keep swirling in my head and I’m sure I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight. I check the clock on the nightstand and see that it’s almost six o’clock.

Slowly releasing her from my embrace, I get up and pull the cover over her shoulders, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. I go out into the kitchen and start the coffee machine. I put in two spoons of the ground beans, add water and wait for the coffee to start dripping.

The steady rhythm of the liquid as it fills the coffee pot is strangely soothing to my ears. I spot my jacket thrown on the armchair by the couch and patting the pockets, I retrieve my cigarettes. I don’t know how she feels about smoking in the apartment so I move to the window and crack it open a little.

The cool air hits me and I inhale deeply, like this small gust of wind was the shock that I needed to start functioning. I look out over the city that is slowly starting to wake up and I see the last star of the night sky running to hide. Its job is done for today and across the horizon, I spot the first shy hues of the deep orange rays that want to bring the new day to us.

Turning around I see that the coffee is ready so I pour myself a cup and go back to the window, I take a big gulp of the hot liquid and light a cigarette.

As I exhale, I wish that the smoke could cloud her words, make me forget everything she has gone through.

I just wish I could find that motherfucker. I wish I could have two minutes with him. I’m pretty sure that no one would be able to take him out of my hands alive.

I know I would kill him.

Taking another drag of my cigarette, I let the smoke burn my throat as I swallow.

_I had the surgery about two, two and a half years ago. I never learnt anything about the donor. Just that she was a girl about my age who had died from pneumonia, I think.  
_

_Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that girl. Because she was the one that saved me. She didn’t only save my health. She saved my life.”_

There’s a strange clenching in my heart as that part sinks in. I have only been focusing on the bad stuff she said. But that part, the time frame, the cause of death…

My mind drifts down a path that could possibly be right but at the same time could also be so wrong.

What if Jamie, somehow, by a strange twist of fate…

“Dean…?”

Her voice snaps me out of the labyrinth of my thoughts and I turn towards her.

She’s standing at the bedroom door, wrapped in the blanket, her hair tousled and her eyes still heavy with sleep.

But she looks so cute, so perfect.

“Why are you up, babe?” I ask and putting out the cigarette, I go close to her. I pull her closer and kiss her lips softly. “You should go back to bed. It’s still very early. And you need to rest.”

I feel her smiling against my lips and she inhales deeply.

“But coffee…” she fake whines and I can’t help but laugh. “Although, if you had anything better to offer me, I could reconsider going back to bed.” She says and winks at me, seductively biting her lower lip.

“My God, woman! You are insatiable!” I whisper and lick down her throat, latching on to the spot that her pulse vein stops.

“Mmmm, it takes one to know one darling.” She moans and tilts her head to give me better access.

I swoop her up in my arms and kick the bedroom door shut behind us.

The days roll pretty easy at the club.

Now that all the guys know that Jamie and me are a couple, neither of us has to hold back.

I live for the few moments that I have a break.

When I sneak behind the bar and wrap her in my arms.

Ash is already sick of us, I’m pretty sure of that. I can see it by the face he makes every time I push past him to get behind the bar. But I know that he’s happy and everything is part of a charade he puts on.

My kisses are quick but I try to make them sweeter, try to make sure she knows exactly how much I love her.

Our nights after the club closes are filled with passionate lovemaking, filthy fucking sometimes but also with many hours of lying in bed in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

Everything in our lives is rolling as smoothly as a spring brook over polished, shiny pebbles. So much so that sometimes I get scared.

Through those silent times, I can’t help but wonder if I should talk to her about the events of my life that had brought me to this city.

Tell her about the pain I experienced all those years ago with the loss of the woman I loved so much.

I am afraid to even admit to myself though, that the love I felt for the one I lost, couldn’t even begin to compare with the love I feel for the one I have.

For her.

For Jamie.

Because I never thought I would be capable of ever loving someone ever again. But then in swooped this strong, fierce woman to prove to me that if we have faith, if we don’t give up, if we manage to survive all the obstacles that are thrown our way, we can still get our second chance.

At the same time, in the back of my head, there is this feeling that there’s something going on with Jamie’s heart surgery and _her_ death.

So after about a week she had talked to me about her past and as we are both sitting on the couch in the living room watching some crappy tv, that little voice in my head wins and I ask :

“Babe…?”

She turns around and places her leg under her, restininger head on her arm, waiting for me to continue.

“I wanna talk to you about what brought me here…to this city.”

I need her to know, I need her to understand.

She scootches closer, her knee touching my thigh and her hand rests on my shoulder. I know that she wants to make me feel safe and physical contact is her way of urging me to go on.

I place my palm on her knee and take a deep breath, like I can draw energy and strength through her.

My heart feels like there is a hand there, squeezing it. It’s the familiar pain that has been residing in me ever since I lost her. I have almost come to terms with this kind of pain that I have even chosen to consider it as my friend.

But if she managed to open up to me about her past life…?

If she managed to find some sort of catharsis through sharing her pain with me…?

Maybe I have to try it too.

So, I tell her everything.

How I met _her_ at school, how Sam was the one who had introduced us.

I talked to her about our drives to the country, about our favorite spot under the tree in the small meadow.

Then about _her_ illness.

How no one thought that it could be as serious as it was, how she had deteriorated and I had got that call that she was dead.

And the more I talk, the more I feel that the vice that had been constricting my heart is loosening. I feel like I can breathe again, like the weight that had been set on my shoulders ever since that phone call has been lifted.

I talk to her and I look at her face.

I try to guess what she’s thinking of.

Is she sad?

Is she jealous?

Because, I am basically talking to her about the woman that up until a few months ago, I had considered to have been the love of my life.

The _only_ love of my life.

She doesn’t give anything away, though. She keeps looking at me, with her beautiful hazel eyes, with her tiny hand still resting on my shoulder.

Waiting.

So I tell Jamie how there was nothing holding me back to Lawrence after she had died and how I had taken up Sam’s offer to put me up if I ever needed out.

And finally, I tell her how I had bumped into the most amazing woman on earth as I was coming out of ‘Second Chances’ and how that woman managed to make me feel alive again.

I see her smiling at that, a soft sweet smile that curves the corners of her plump lips up and makes my soul fill with warmth.

“You have a picture of her?” She asks and I’m a little surprised. Her wanting to see what my previous girlfriend looked like was something that had never crossed my mind.

“Uuuuhhmmm, yeah. Yeah, I do.” I answer, rubbing the back of my neck and feeling embarrassed for a strange reason. “Not with me, though. I have a picture of her stashed away with my papers back at Sam’s.”

“I’d like to see it sometime. If that’s ok with you.”

I nod silently, avoiding looking in her eyes. She touches my cheek with her hand and her tenderness floods through me, filling me, completing me.

“Dean?” She begins and I wait, holding my breath without even realizing why. “There’s no reason to feel strange, darling. Of course there would have been someone else before me. Who wouldn’t want to have a strong, kind, loving man in their life? And don’t let me get started on how ridiculously handsome you are. I see what happens in the club every night.” She smirks but she gets serious again.

“Losing her left you scarred and broken. The pain you must have felt, baby…” she moves closer, takes me in her arms and I let her.

I surrender to her once again.

And maybe it is because of all the things she told me, or about all the things I told her but I feel like I’m panicking.

Like the earth under my feet has opened up and I’m sinking, falling into an abyss filled with the fear of losing her.

She feels it and she just holds me close, resting her cheek on my head. “I’m not going anywhere baby. You never have to worry that you will go through anything like that ever again. I’m never gonna leave you, never gonna hurt you.”

We sit like that for a while. I’m not sure for how long though because time with her seems to just fly. When finally I turn my gaze at the clock, I see that it’s getting late.

“Babe,” I start and she shifts a little, loosening her embrace. “I have to get going. I need to stop by my house to shower and change.”

“But you can shower here.” She says in that sweet, fake whining voice of hers that I love so much. “I can, ahem, wash your back… or anything else you need help with.”

Her fingertips playfully travel up my thigh and stop inches away from my cock.

“Mmmm, baby girl… although this sounds so enticing, I really have to get into some fresh clothes and underwear.”

She pouts and as I get off the couch she doesn’t let go of my hand. She gets up with me and follows me all the way to the door. I look at her and can’t help but smile at how adorable she looks. Bending my knees a little, I kiss her pouting lip and hug her.

“I will meet you at the club, darling. I’ll get there as soon as I’m done showering and changing, ok?” I say, and kiss her between words.

She fakes annoyance and stomps her foot making absolutely no sound as her little stomping is absorbed by the carpet.

“Fine. If you wanna pass on the opportunity of showering with me, then go. See if I care.”

I kiss her again, groaning and clutching at my heart like I’m wounded by her words and open the door. She leans at the door frame and just as I hit the elevator button she says : “I love you.”

I rush back, paying no attention to the ping of the elevator or to the fact that someone might get off at our floor and scoop her in my arms, pushing her against the wall and kissing her like a man possessed. My hands are everywhere touching, kneading, begging. Our lips lock together and our tongues dance against one another. It’s passionate, it’s needy, it’s hungry and it’s all us.

Our passion.

Our need.

Our hunger.

All of our emotions that disregard the fact that I have her semi naked in the corridor, pushed against the wall. That just need gratification.

A second ping from the elevator as it is probably called to another floor, alerts us to our surroundings and makes me draw my head back just a little, breaking the kiss. I see her chasing my lips, touching them with hers again and I smile.

“I love you too, baby. So much more.”

I practically dance my way back to my apartment. I feel like my feet don’t touch the street, as if I’m light as a feather. Our openness with each other has brought us closer together, we know the darkest parts of us and it didn’t matter how filled with pain we to open up, it was so helpful to both of us to open up.

So cleansing.

So right.

The sun seems to be smiling down at me, the sky seems bluer and I can even listen to the birds chirping as I pass by our park.

When I get to my apartment building, I greet the loud couple good morning and smile at them, earning a strange look woman and a c as she must be thinking I’m going crazy. I’m one Disney song and a few animated penguins away from staring in my own film.

I shower and change quickly and as I’m ready to grab my keys again and head out, I see a note on the counter.

‘Dude, we need to talk about something. If I’m sleeping when you get here, wake me up. Otherwise, we’ll talk at work.’

I look at the note and read it again. What could be so urgent that Sam would want me to wake him up?

I go to his bedroom door and knock but I don’t get a response. Opening the door, I look inside. The familiar disarray of his bed is there but not him.

He must have left for the club early.

Feeling uneasy, I grab my keys and head out the door, wanting to get to work quickly.

When I get there, I peek inside from the window, a habit that I can’t seem to shake. I see Ash behind the bar, wiping some glasses. Kevin and Benny are on the small stage, talking and Bobby is sitting at one of the tables, looking at some papers.

I don’t see Sam or Jamie anywhere though.

She must be running late, although it’s stito hery. But, I’ve been so accustomed to her being here earlier than needed that her absence is rubbing me the wrong way.

I push the door open and the familiar chiming of the bell makes everyone turn towards me.

I nod at Ash and walk towards Bobby. I sit at his table and he raises his head from the stack of papers he’s been working on and says : “What?”

“Have you seen Sam? Or Jamie?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I sent Sam to take care of a thing at the bank. He’s the only one from y’all idjits I can trust with serious business. And as far as Jamie, it’s still kinda early, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I mumble although there’s a strange feeling tugging at me.

I stand up and join Benny and Kevin. I listen to them joking about something but I honestly don’t hear a thing. Fishing in my pocket, I get my cell and call her number. I let it ring till it gets to voicemail.

Maybe she’s in the bathroom, I reason with myself and call again after five minutes. Same thing happens.

Just as I’m about to go tell Bobby that I’ll be heading out for a while, Sam walks in. He lets Bobby know about how the thing at the bank went and then nods at me to follow him, opening the door and going out.

“What’s up, Sam? What happened? I found your note.” I inquire when I meet him outside.

“Look, Dean…” he begins and he rubs the back of his head with his hand. “I may be completely wrong here but I’ve noticed something these past couple of days.”

“Tell me man.” I sound exactly as anxious and worried as I probably look.

“I have noticed that the last couple of days there’s a strange dude that’s been coming in. He has been sitting in the back, wearing a coat and a hat that he never takes off. He sits there, drinking and watching Jamie. Watching you two together.”

He stops talking and looks at me, what he’s saying slowly sinking in my head.

Dude dressed in a hat and coat.

Watching Jamie.

Watching us.

I’m now sure that worry and panic are more than evident on my face so he puts his hand on my shoulder and says in a lighter voice : “But it could all be just me. I could just be seeing things that aren’t there.”

I’m not convinced and he knows.

Looking at my watch, I see that it’s been about three hours since I left Jamie’s place and she’s still not here.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I call her once again turning it to ‘speaker’ so Sam can hear too.

It rings twice and it’s answered.

“Baby, where are you?” I ask, feeling a little relieved before I get to hear her speak. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry Dean. Jamie can’t come to the phone right now.” A male voice responds from the other side of the line before it gets disconnected.


End file.
